Friday, May 14, 2004

Boycott ARN&R!

Fed up with being "deficated [sic] on" by the "hateful, vindictive bottomholes" at ARN&R, brave souls have stepped forward to boycott the trashy amusement park satire page, which, incidentally, is run entirely by people who have low self esteem and who "actually think they are Rumsfeld haters while they are so joined at the hip, well, maybe in ways we cannot explain, anyway thats TMI, well these people are sick." Or something.

We at ARN&R certainly support a boycott of our filthy product, as we really are complete bastards who Jumped the Shark ages ago, anyway. Of course, it will take a mighty show of force for us to really pay any attention to protestors, since we sell such astounding amounts of merchandise from the AbsolutelyReliable Online Boutique. Why, a recent count shows that we've sold almost twenty items in the last two years, including nearly four or five actually bought by someone who has never written for ARN&R! We hope that the boycotters are ready for a drawn-out battle as they attempt to impede our Trump-like revenue stream.

The real tragedy, aside from Coasterfanatic's drunken babbling, in the whole affair is the demand by boycott organizer WildOne that those who communicate with us or read our site be boycotted, as well. Ultimate Coaster participants such as Moosh, C-Screw, Adam, Al, "Guy Near Hulk" Rollergator, and the Reverend (whose name the Assistant Editor actually managed to spell right this time) have all been seen openly weeping, mewing, and casting upturned eyes toward God as one or two people on Ultimate Coaster have decided they "may not want to be fwiends" anymore after finding out that these individuals have dared to look upon our Satan-fueled website since the initiation of the boycott.

More on how ARN&R has been cowed into submission by our reduction in revenue from enthusiast boycotts as the story develops!

--JCK

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