Thursday, September 16, 2004

Cave Enthusiasts Ruin Experience for Coaster Enthusiast

Stanton, MO: On a road trip to Silver Dollar City, a member of our beloved coaster community was shocked to discover that enthusiasts of all kinds can ruin experiences for the general public.

"I thought it would be fun to stop off at the Meramec Caverns – all of the billboards advertised 'Jesse James Hideout' and there were pictures of dinosaurs and stuff," said ACEr Jeremy Selbstmord, who traveled alone from Chicago to Branson to experience SDC & CC. "Who knew that my experience would be ruined by a couple of complete losers."

The losers in question were three members of ACCE, the American Cavern and Cave Enthusiasts, who were in the same tour group as the ACE member.

An ACCEr, ruining everything. Photo courtesy of Jeremy Selbstmord.

"They kept pushing ahead of the group, making stalagmite jokes that only they thought were funny," continued Selbstmord in a telephone interview from St. Louis. "Then they kept asking our tour guide completely obscure questions as if they were testing him. Everyone just started rolling their eyes after a while. Don’t these guys have a life?"

The final straw was when one of the ACCErs started to complain about no spelunking being allowed in the caverns and how the "dumb GP" just comes to see the James Gang’s loot. "Man, I just wanted to strangle that guy with his own Teva sandals. Can you imagine being that obsessed with something like caves? Like, as if they know how the place should be run!"

Selbstmord's trip had a happy ending after all, when he arrived in Branson and proceeded to ride the Ozark Wildcat 30 times consecutively. "I’m so glad I’m normal."


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