Thursday, February 17, 2005

Six Flags Guests to be Shocked in 2005

Guests to several Six Flags parks next season will be in for a shock, according to Six Flags Vice President of Theming Cross-Promotion Larry Bidwell.

"Our guests are always saying they want to be surprised and shocked with our new attractions every year," said Bidwell in a press release. "Well, if this addition doesn't give 'em a jolt, I don't know what will!"

According to the press release, numerous employees will be hired to patrol the Crackaxle Canyon themed areas at a number of the chain's amusement parks, including Six Flags Fiesta Texas and Six Flags New England, as well as the similar but slightly different Crack Whore Canyon section of Six Flags Northeastern New York. The employees will be themed as "real cowpokes," and will be given actual, live electric cattle prods for "thematic authenticity." The employees will use the cattle prods to herd unruly patrons into lines, deter them from complaining at Guest Relations, and zap people at random every now and then just for "shits and giggles," according to the press release.

In order to make room on the payroll for these new themed employees, as well as the expensive cattle prod technology, Six Flags has also announced that it will fire half of its ride staff at the affected parks, leaving approximately six to eight total ride ops at each one. Six Flags did not specify in its announcement what sort of system the six to eight ride ops would use to ensure that all of the parks' rides remain open throughout the day, but did note that "some zero train operation would occasionally be conceivable on certain attractions."

--JCK