Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Corrections

ARN&R willingly posts corrections to any incorrect facts or erroneous statements made in its articles. If you believe you have discovered a mistake, and truly believe we give a rat's ass, please send us a letter that contains as few misspellings or inane threats as you can muster, and let us know about it. Write to us at Uselessopinionswewontbotherreading@absolutelyreliable.com

In a recent article bemoaning how incomprehensibly crappy Vekoma Boomerangs are, we mentioned that we felt that doing an impersonation of someone was not the same as doing a good job of acting. Naturally we were chagrined to note that Cate Blanchett and Jamie Foxx won Oscars for their impersonations of other people almost immediately after we published that article, which must mean that we were wrong and also quite stupid. We do stand by our assessment that Josh Groban and Beyonce suck raw marmot balls, though.

A recent article on our website strongly implied that Six Flags Great Adventure's Viper was constructed entirely out of steaming fresh hippo shit. This was a typo.

Finally, an article last Thursday stated that employees at several Six Flags parks would be herding park guests with live cattle prods next season. We regret to acknowledge that we've been had on this one. Apparently Six Flags workers thought it would be fun to pull a little joke on ARN&R, and we fell for it hook, line, and sinker. In actuality, there will be no cattle prods in use next season; instead, the shock that guests will receive will be none other than "The Shocker" itself, where each person entering the gates will in turn be "entered" by a park employee in a rather surprising way. A knowledgeable source tells ARN&R that The Shocker will be performed on both men and women, but refused to comment on how it would be possible to do it to male guests, except that it would be "exquisitely painful."

--JCK