Thursday, March 31, 2005

ARN&R Tours Announced

Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors, inspired by the always-balanced Jim Hill and his recently-ended Disney tours, is pleased to announce The Unknown Enthusiast’s 2005 Amusement Park Tour schedule. These in-depth, no-holds-barred tours of your favorite attractions are chock full of details that could only be known to one man. Or woman. You know, the Unknown Enthusiast is all unknown.

During each two-hour walking* tour, the Unknown Enthusiast will lead you on a journey like no other you’ve experienced in your local park. See for yourself the sights that you may have only heard about in coaster enthusiast lore:

- Six Flags New England: See for yourself the exact spot in the S:ROS queue where people leave tampons as an offering to the gods and/or to Sandor Kernacs. Also see the secret pole showing the 100-year flood-of-feces record.

- Six Flags Great America: The U.E. explains all the messy details of the famed “Rumble in Mardi Gras Land” when ACE and CoasterBuzz collided over bragging rights to first rides on the wild mouse.

- Six Flags St. Louis/Paramount Kings Island: Find out why parks that host Scooby Doo shooting rides also seem to attract the ugliest people in the country!

- Knott’s Berry Farm: Follow in the steps of the famed “Mantis Man” and get the Unknown Enthusiast’s inside look into his world of Xcelerator Madness.

- Islands of Adventure: Witness the precise location of the "Guy Near Hulk" sighting.

- Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom: See the spot where, twenty years ago this year, SFKK officially became the White Trash Super-Park.

- In a very special side trip, tour participants will visit Six Flags headquarters in Oklahoma to see the very first dollar bill ever lost by management, as well as a framed and engraved copy of the first SEC filing to blame massive losses on bad weather.

ARN&R expect these tours to sell out very quickly, please reserve your spot today! More stops on the tours will be announced soon, if we remember.

--MMS/GP

*As this is a walking tour, please understand that you should be in general good health to participate. While efforts have been made to chart each tour’s course in a downhill slope, ACE members are warned that some uphill walking without a food destination may be required.

[Ed. Note: Several ARN&R contributors will in fact be visiting Coney Island next month on May 15. Drop a line (contact link over there to the left) if you might be there for what will henceforth be known as AbsolutelyReliableConeyCon! For reasons that we don't even fully understand ourselves, the event will be themed after Def Leppard's "Photograph," in particular the line, "You're all I want, my fantasy." How this theme will be implemented is still under discussion and negotiation with the original stars of the 1983 video.]