Thursday, March 23, 2006

Shapiro Unable to Enter Fiesta Texas

New Six Flags CEO Mark Shapiro continues his tour of the continent's Six Flags properties, making suggestions, demands, and threats for the benefit of the employees and local media at each stop. But, at least for the moment, not at Six Flags Fiesta Texas.

When Shapiro approached the front of the park to begin his tour this past weekend, the park's managers were most embarrassed to find that the gates had been left locked by accident. The flustered managers, after frantic searching, insisted that none had a key on them, and that probably all of them were stolen out of their pockets earlier in the day by some type of pickpocketing mastermind. A locksmith was called, but he stated that he was completely overbooked and would be available next Monday at some point.

Shapiro, using the genius-level skills that enabled him to reach his current status, snapped his fingers and had the SFFT employees and media follow him to the back gate. "The employee entrance uses a different set of keys," said Shapiro. "There'll be no one to stop us this time."

However, admittance to the park was not meant to be, as, shockingly, all the locks to the employee entrance turned out to be in place but stuffed with gum. "Bunch of savages in this town," noted a frustrated Shapiro. Upon being thwarted by the impassable locks, Shapiro then eyed the park fence for a possible leap into SFFT using the athletic skills he gained from watching ESPN poker tournaments, but someone had, in the middle of the previous night, installed rolls of military-issue razor wire in a double lair around the entire perimeter. "We've had some trouble with young hoodlums recently," explained the park's VP of Operations. "This is just the latest prank they must have pulled. These bratty little kids today."

Shapiro indicated that he would return to SFFT at some point in the near future, perhaps after making another try at touring La Ronde, and make his assessments of the property then.


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