Thursday, June 26, 2003

AbsolutelyReliable Con - Day Three

The final day was chock full of fun and merriment. It began with group panel discussions. First off were Lee Coaster, Xfan, Roarfan, and Mrceagle, in a forum titled "How to Make Yourself Look Like a Complete Buffoon by Using Awful Grammar in Your Rabid Hate Mail and Posts About Silly Satire Sites." Then, after a nutritious all-you-can-eat lunch of Banana Splits With Krispy Kreme Donuts, attendees returned for the seminar called "Mercilessly Shredding the Coaster Preservation Organization a new @%$hole," with Coastplaya, coasterphil, and Teknoscorpion, along with special appearances from the ARN&R staff. The final session, "How to Become as Brilliant, Attractive, and Hysterically Amusing as the Staff of ARN&R," featuring writers and editors of the website, unfortunately had an audience of exactly zero persons, a puzzling occurrence.

Although ACE came up with the idea for a pajama party at CoasterCon this year, ARN&R wasn’t above stealing it. Of course, instead of featuring an onslaught of horrifying be-pajama’d enthusiast gristle all night, our pajama party featured Jessica Alba, Halle Barry, Jennifer Connelly, Kristen Kreuk, and Parker Posey. ARN&R staffers report that the organizers will be unable to hire most of these nightie-wearing hot babes next year unless the ARN&R Shoppe does especially brisk business this summer, so start forking over those dead presidents unless you want to see dozens of writhing, pasty enthusiast butts instead.

--JCK

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