Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Kieran Burke Back in the News

Ousted Six Flags CEO Kieran Burke may be out of a job running the world's largest regional theme park company, but that certainly does not keep a good man down.

In a recent exclusive ARN&R interview Burke explained, "My severance package when I was ousted as part of Red Zone LLC's proxy battle strictly prohibits me from owning a park or consulting in the industry for the next several years. If I were to break that pledge, I would have to return my almost $10 million dollar severance pay, with interest."

Burke continued, "However, I am pleased to inform my fans that I will be bringing my customer service know-how to others. I have been offered several jobs to help maintain the terrific customer service levels at several large corporations including Verizon Wireless, Comcast, and Merck. Verizon and Comcast care deeply about their valued customers, and Merck never intentionally killed any of their customers, two values at the core of my tenure at Six Flags."

"I turned them all down when I was offered a once-in-a-lifetime oppurtunity to appear in the upcoming Summer 2007 Blockbuster film Ghostbusters III. Bill Murray turned the role down and I was approached by Sony Pictures to be his fill in.

Burke and Murray

"Not to be left out, my counterpart who helped create Premier Parks, Jim Dannhauser, has been retained to play a part in the film when Don Knotts passed away after Rick Moranas refused to be the new KeyMaster."

Dannhauser and Knotts

"Both Jim and I are proud to be even a greater part of the entertainment world. We feel unfortunate that our former COO, Gary Story, is only the spokesperson for Just For Men Hair Color for Beards and Moustaches."

Story and his moustache

When contacted, Debbie Fishpaw, Six Flags's new Supreme Being of Public Relations commented, "I am sure that Mr. Burke is happy with his severance agreement and his legacy is left on Six Flags forever."