Friday, February 07, 2003

Snow Thwarts Enthusiast

Though many residents of the northeastern US are enjoying a day off from work or school due to the substantial snowfall in the region, one coaster enthusiast is not so pleased.

Said Gary Morris, a twenty-year-old coaster fan from Perth Amboy, New Jersey, “this is quite simply a disaster. I run a really important website called Xtreme Shorecoaster, which focuses on the seaside parks of New Jersey. I’ve been driving down to Casino Pier in Seaside Heights every day to get pictures of all the construction there. All the loyal readers of my site will be pretty upset if I don’t follow up on the promise in my manifesto to ‘give you the latest and greatest scoop on construction for Casino Pier’s new Wisdom Moby Dick and Zamperla Rockin’ Tug every single day.’ My mom’s house is totally snowed in, and I’ll never be able to get to Seaside Heights today to get any daylight pictures of the L&T Mini Coaster. I’m screwed, man.”

Looking up and raising his hands toward the sky, Morris added, “Why, God? Whyyyyyyyyyy?!?”

Experts note that Morris may have no reason to fear that he is letting his fans down, as he has an average of seventeen hits per week to Xtreme Shorecoaster, approximately the same number as ARN&R receives. The same experts also note that Morris “might like to hang out with friends once in a while, or even talk to a pretty girl if he feels up to it.”

[Correspondent’s Note: We at ARN&R have been made aware recently that we are not fulfilling our promise to make this website primarily jokes about how we are all drunks. With that in mind, we apologize and offer the following: A ham and cheese sandwich who works for ARN&R walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, we don't serve food here."]