Tuesday, June 26, 2007

More Details About Universal’s Wizarding World Of Harry Potter Emerge

The theme park world is abuzz with talk about Universal Orlando’s
Wizarding World of Harry Potter, due to open at the Islands of Adventure park in 2009. So far, the public has only been made privy to conceptual drawings and basic information about the new themed land. ARN&R, however, has managed to glean more details about this new endeavor.

-To entertain them while standing in hours-long queues, visitors will be groped by characters dressed as
Mundungus Fletcher.

-All lockers will be replaced with
Vanishing Cabinets; guests may or may not see their belongings ever again.

-The main form of internal transportation through the land will be on the
Knight Bus, a cramped vehicle that maneuvers at a high rate of speed seemingly without regard for safety of passengers and pedestrians alike. Universal will reportedly purchase the entire fleet of parking lot trams from Six Flags Magic Mountain for use as the Buses, as these vehicles would require little, if any, modification.

-Finally, each visitor will have the opportunity to gaze into the
Mirror of Erised, a mystical device which shows the viewer his or her greatest desire. Undoubtedly, most visitors will see themselves at Walt Disney World, some sixteen miles down Interstate 4.


Monday, June 25, 2007

A Serious Note

Our thoughts and best wishes go out to the victim of last week's unfortunate accident at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom and her family. We here at Absolutely Reliable News and Rumors hope for her full and complete recovery. Because of the tragic nature of this accident, we will abstain from any of the traditionally sardonic comments you've come to know and love.

Unless this is revealed to be a maintenance issue, in which case all of our guns will be blazing.