Enthusiasts Disappointed in Name Change for Sky Princess
When a Dutch Wonderland internal memo leaked to Screamscape debating the renaming of its signature wooden roller coaster, the enthusiast community was shocked. “I couldn’t believe it,” said local enthusiast Richard Scheissbaugh. “I mean, I love the Sky Princess. On my days off from working at the buffet down the street, I loved to ride her all day long. There are few things I like more than riding my Princess. I mean, look at her beautiful curves...” Mr. Scheissbaugh then settled into a trance, drooling while making only soft, guttural noises for several minutes.
Upon inquiry, Dutch Wonderland declined to comment, but a source that refused to be named stated, “For crying out loud, it’s just a ride. I mean, we really shouldn’t have all these enthusiasts all over the park in the first place. Most of the tourists see them and think that our park has been overrun by pedophiles, since most of the enthusiasts haven’t understood the concept of ‘bathing’, and look that they have neither shaved nor exercised in years. That’s bad for business.”
Upon returning to consciousness, Scheissbaugh stated, “It wouldn’t be the same if I told my co-workers that I was leaving work to go ride my Dragon woodie the rest of the evening. That, that’s disturbing."