Thursday, February 16, 2006

Dick Cheney Finally Speaks

Following a severe backlash after shooting a hunting companion and initially failing to disclose the incident, Vice President Dick Cheney spoke publicly about it for the first time yesterday. In an interview with a selected group of trusted media outlets, Cheney described the horror of the incident, saying that his view of Harry Whittington falling to the ground was something he would "never get out of his mind." Cheney also stated that he had no regrets whatsoever about his actions after the fact.

He also took the opportunity to announce a new partnership with amusement park Six Flags Over Texas. Opening in 2006 at the park will be the newly themed Dick Cheney Shooting Gallery. Previously known as the Johnson Creek Livery, the gallery will allow park guests to step into the V.P.'s shoes and blast random people with buckshot.

When queried by one reporter as to whether he was worried about a possible public perception of insensitivity and exploitation due to his capitalizing on the accident for financial profit and fun, Cheney mumbled something about "liberal do-gooders," and added in a menacing tone that "everyone already knows I'm a pretty good shot, right?"