Wild Escape To Open In Thirty Unpopulated Places
Shaking off a long-term decline in amsuement park attendance, Wild Escape announced today that it would open thirty nearly-identical amusement parks in the least-attended places it could find.
"We're starting out in West Virginia, where we're pumped to attract all four dozen citizens and their five dozen (collective) teeth," said CEO Fred Fazen. "Then we're aiming for northern Idaho, western South Dakota, southern Wisconsin, northern Louisiana, and approximately a dozen uninhabited and inaccessible islands off the coast of Oregon."
Fazen said that his company had obtained "extensive financing" by obtaining a home equity loan on his three-bedroom ranch house in suburban Indianapolis. "We've got access to $35,000, which should be plenty to make at least twenty-four more almost identical websites."