Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Enthusiast Writes Protest Email to ACE

According to longtime ACE Member and self-professed "majorly influential coaster enthusiast" Herman Reynolds, 45, he has sent an email to the American Coaster Enthusiasts that he anticipates will bring large changes to the group.

"I was planning my wedding with my enthusiast girlfriend and we went to the ACE Online Store to set up our registry there. Well, we were incredibly surprised that they don't have a wedding registry! What kind of online merchant doesn't have a gift registry? That's retarded."

Reynolds went on to add that he was well aware that he could just tell people to buy him crap at the ACE Store and wrap it up themselves, but that he and his fiance would "probably end up with ten or eleven of those stupid polyester jackets" instead of the "full set of silverware, the fondue equipment, or the dillweed-colored official ACE muumuus we really need for our lives together."

Reynolds asserts that his email contained the perfect balance of righteous indignation and constructive criticism, along with "a few curse words," and that ACE members should expect a wedding registry to be available "any day" after the stern talking-to ACE officials had received. He was unable to tell reporters exactly to whom he sent the scathing email, however, and members of the Executive Committee refused comment.

Registry or no, the Reynolds wedding is scheduled to take place this July 15. Although Reynolds noted that he looked into doing a "big, awesome onboard coaster wedding," he discovered recently that this could result in a substantial expense. Instead, he plans to wed his blushing bride in the comfort of his own apartment, where they will play America's Greatest Roller Coasters Volume VII, Gerstlauer promotional spots, and Reynolds' own illegally-obtained onboard ride footage during the ceremony to maintain its proper balance of fun and dignity.