Friday, May 13, 2005

Enthusiasts Placing Wagers on Kingda Ka Break-In Problems Normal Everyday Occurrences

As the continually pushed-back opening date for Kingda Ka at Six Flags Great Adventure nears and is pushed back again, engineering experts (aka coaster enthusiasts) have been eagerly discussing the ride. Experts at CoasterBuzz, a popular online advertising website that reportedly still has coaster discussions on it, have been engaging in heated debates about what to expect from Kingda Ka during its first 3 years of operation. This early period is commonly referred to as the Break-In Period or Catastrophic Failure is Normal and Intamin is NOT at Fault for Unknown Factors Like Large Riders, Slight Winds, Engineering Flaws, and Unsecured Train Theming (CFNINFUFLLRSWEFUTT). The debate has become so intense that some casinos in Las Vegas have begun setting odds and taking wagers about which events will occur.

Vegas oddsmakers have been hard at work coming up with proxy bets of what will happen first during the normal CFNINFUFLLRSWEFUTT time.

Possible wagers, and their odds as of today, include:

  • 6:7 - Rollbacks outnumber successful launches
  • 2:1 - Cable fray injuring riders with hot shards of greasy metal
  • 9:5 - Extra structural reinforcement needed within the first year
  • 4:1 - Cable break
  • 6:1 - Track break
  • 15:1 - Wheel falls off
  • 4:1 - Someone will be caught peeing on the ride and forever memorialized in T-Shirt form
  • 8:1 - Train dispatched when transfer track not in place
  • 2:1 - Large rider/average ACE member falling out of train at end of brake run, train speed 5 mph
  • 18:1 - Seat flies off
  • 25:1 - Train flies off
  • 3:1 - Hydraulic lines burst, covering surrounding area in minty-fresh hydraulic fluid
  • 24:1 - Tower collapse, partial
  • 35:1 - Tower collapse, full
  • Even - Top Thrill Dragster’s Lost Tire launched into orbit in 2003 finally returning to earth in a fiery re-entry only to land on Paul Ruben as he is declaring Kingda Ka the best coaster on the planet

In other news, Intamin is also in the running for Outstanding Achievement in Dull Train Design. A previous winner for the unstylish box with hyper seats bolted on wooden coaster trains, Intamin is facing stiff competition from Vekoma’s new Expedition Everest trains which managed to even make the boiler in the back look uninteresting, and upstart S&S’s entry for Powder Keg trains which could be the dark horse with a Time To Crate of 0.001 seconds.

Stay tuned for more coverage of Kingda Katastrophy 2005, as well as live web cam coverage of the 2005 coaster awards from JCK’s basement.