Friday, November 21, 2003

Michael Jackson Spotted at California Amusement Park

Sources exclusive to ARN&R have confirmed a Michael Jackson sighting Wednesday at Pixieland Amusement Park in Concord, CA. According to eyewitnesses, Jackson looked disoriented as he wandered around the Frog Hopper, asking various guests if they knew where he could find someone named Randy.

Park security was notified of Jackson’s presence and stepped in immediately to get the King of Pop away from any small boys. Jackson created a distraction by pulling off his nose, and then escaped.

Our sources think that Jackson confused the Pixieland theme park, a wonderful place for children of all ages, with Pixyland, a website operated by Randy Constan, an adult male who enjoys dressing as Peter Pan.

The California Sheriff’s Office has been notified and the ‘man’ hunt still continues as of press time.

ARN&R Editor Incredibly Lame

ARN&R's Editor in Chief and Supreme Naval Commander recently recognized the truth: he's incredibly lame.

The insight came on a business trip to Cincinnati. While paging through the hotel's tourist guide, he came across a sidebar advertising Paramount's Kings Island. Rather than continuing to page through the glossy magazine, perhaps finding a gallery to visit or an historic house to explore, he spent a full minute in alternating shock and amusement in response to the use of a photograph of the suspended coaster Top Gun to advertise the park.

"Ha!" he exclaimed, incredibly lamely. "Those fools! How can they expect to get people to come to the park using a photograph of an Arrow suspended coaster!" Adding to his utter lameness, he continued: "Even Son of Beast would be a better draw -- and Face Off and Racer each have much better visuals for an advertisement!"

He then shook his head with a slight and lame giggle. He did, however, somehow manage to resist making an incredibly lame joke about the photograph to his colleagues in meetings the next day.