Friday, June 02, 2006

It's a Small World Celebrates Forty Years of Annoying the Shit Out of People

This past Sunday officially marked fortieth anniversary of It's a Small World, the legendary and highly irritating family ride located at Disney parks throughout the world. Originally opening at the 1964 World's Fair, the first of the mind-destroying attractions was later moved to Disneyland, and others unfortunately followed at other Disney properties.

"It's a Small World was designed specifically to annoy the ever-loving shit out of all humans with a modicum of sense and taste," said Disney representative Beth Purdy-Slutz. "And boy, has it ever succeeded in that regard. That shrill, soul-crushing song will absolutely rape your eardrums. Unless you're a huge fan of heinously awful music, the piercing sound of tuneless shrieking children, or bucketloads of treacle, this ride will make you want to ram your face into a brick wall."

"Other rides are annoying," added Purdy-Slutz. "Some, primarily those made by Vekoma and Gerstlauer, suck balls. But It's a Small World has been unchallenged in the category of pissing the hell out of people for forty years. Forty years! It's simply unbeatable, and for that we are incredibly proud."

Although a recent industry poll showed that 99.9999999% of all humans exposed even briefly to the Small World ride and/or song instantaneously feel a powerful urge to maim and destroy, the ride does have at least one masochistic supporter who apparently doesn't mind being viciously antagonized by a appalling piece of music "6 or 7 times every visit to Disney."