Coaster Dynamics Announces “The Dragon”
Coaster Dynamix recently released a new coaster model kit that has swarms of coaster enthusiasts and toy fans drooling. One of our intrepid reporters was able to obtain a copy of the new press release from the company, presented in its entirety below:
Press Release From Coaster Dynamix
Hey roller coaster fans! We know that you don't have a lot of room in your parents’ basement. But you will want to clear off that table holding your collection of cups and glasses from parks around the country for our first offering -- The Dragon.
Just when you thought your amusement-park-paraphernalia-laden residence couldn't get any more crowded, we are offering the chance of a lifetime. Our working roller coaster model is available for only $500 (plus shipping and handling)! You will get minutes of enjoyment watching a piece of plastic ascend an amazing three feet in height and then go up and down until it does the whole thing over again. Few pieces of coaster craftsmanship will give you the satisfaction of knowing that you just spent several hundred dollars for something you will use for five minutes and never play with again (much like that blow-up doll you never cleaned after the first use and now sits in the corner attracting ants).
We know that in this economy five hundred dollars is a lot of money. Yes, your parents would like you to save that money and get your own place, and there are countless charities needing money to continue their work to feed and clothe the less fortunate (which is surprising considering the way the tax cuts boosted the economy -- lazy poor people). But, let's be honest. You have no friends, your pay at Papa John's got bumped up to seven dollars per hour, and you finished paying off the interest on that porn you bought online. It’s time to live a little!
Coaster Dynamix expects to sell hundreds, if not thousands, of those handcrafted pieces of architectural finery in the next few days. Don't delay, order yours today!
--Lovingly Uploaded By FMB