We at ARN&R are pleased to announce that the entire P.R. staff of Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom has joined the writing staff. As their collective first contribution, we provide you with the following press release, which we swear is exactly as it was distributed.
Greezed Lightnin' Opens to Rave Reviews at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom
Friday April 25, 7:00 am ET
LOUISVILLE, KY--(INTERNET WIRE)--Apr 25, 2003 -- Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom's eighth roller coaster, Greezed Lightnin', is now open to the public and electrifying ecstatic thrill seekers!
Greezed Lightnin' leaves riders breathless, blasting out of the coaster station like a bolt of lightning, rocketing from zero to 60 miles per hour in less than six seconds. There's no time to scream before zooming through the 76-foot-tall vertical loop, and soaring up the 142-foot incline. Just as passengers begin to relax and think the ride is over, the coaster plunges backward down the incline and back through the 360-degree loop again -- in 35 seconds flat. The coaster's exhilarating streak continues as the train coasts up the tail of the ride and glides safely back into the station.
Greezed Lightnin' is the first roller coaster of its kind in this region. The coaster's unique catapult mechanism propels riders from zero to 60 m.p.h. in seconds, similar to the catapult action utilized on aircraft carriers.
"The awesome power and speed of Greezed Lightnin' is captivating even the most seasoned thrill seekers, providing them with an exhilarating, and surprising experience," said Lee Graham, Vice-President and General Manager of Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom. "There's nothing else like it!"
Greezed Lightnin' is a steel "shuttle loop" coaster that stands at 142 feet tall, and spans 583 feet on the ground. The coaster has one 49-foot-long train, which consists of seven cars each holding four persons, for a total of 28 passengers per ride.
Members of American Coaster Enthusiasts (ACE) are cheering the opening of the newest coaster at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom. "Being blasted out of the coaster station, then going forwards and backwards through the loop make Greezed Lightnin' a truly remarkable ride," says Scott Holmes, an ACE member. "With just a lap restraint holding the rider safely in place, there is nothing to interfere with the view or the wind rushing through your hair!"
Greezed Lightnin' is located on the front side of the park, near the Tin Lizzies antique cars and Road Runner Express roller coaster featuring classic Looney Tunes Characters Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner.
Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom is currently open on weekends, and will open for daily operations on Saturday, May 24th.
For more information on Greezed Lightnin' or on Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom, call (800) SCREAMS, or visit www.sixflags.com. For media information, contact the Public Relations Department at (502) 814-4511.
Six Flags, Inc. is the world's largest regional theme park company. Through its subsidiaries, it owns and operates a total of 39 parks in North America and Europe. Six Flags parks serve 35 of the 50 largest metropolitan areas in the United States. Six Flags, Inc. is a publicly held corporation with corporate offices in New York City and Oklahoma City. The Company's stock trades on the NYSE under the symbol: (NYSE:PKS - News).
SIX FLAGS and all related indicia are trademarks of Six Flags Theme Parks Inc. ®, ™ and © 2003.
LOONEY TUNES, characters, names and all related indicia are trademarks of and © Warner Bros.
Company: Six Flags, Inc.
Title: Public Relations Department
Ed. Note: If you know any of SFKK's Public Relations Department, please -- please -- provide them with kudos for this brilliant piece of satire. We'd love to hear from them and fully credit this hilarious parody. Lee Graham: a brilliant move saying that there's "nothing else like it" -- your ability to pull off lines like that without laughter is why we love you! And Scott Holmes -- you've got a future in improvisational comedy!