Enthusiast Unanimously Mocked by Candidates
Last night's "America Rocks the Vote" Democratic presidential candidate debate provided voters with some key information, as the candidates discussed issues ranging from racism to foreign policy, along with some lighter questions about their personal lives. But one question -- asked by an interloper who grabbed a microphone -- confused every candidate.
"Tell us once and for all," gasped Tod Gormskeninski, long-time ACE member well beyond the debate's 18-to-30-year-old target audience, "The question is key to thousands of coaster enthusiasts across the country, and it's a critical topic in next year's election: Is Superman: the Escape a roller coaster or not?"
While Gormskeninski was carried away by guards, the candidates looked at each other, every one with a confused look. "What the hell was that about?" asked former Vermont Governor Howard Dean, who had answered questions about his computer preference and marijuana use with a straight face. "Was he seriously asking about a roller coaster? Loser."
"Sure is," said Massachusetts Senator John Kerry, previously asked about what he would have done had he been the manager of the Boston Red Sox. "I can't imagine spending one second, much less any serious energy, arguing about whether a particular ride is a roller coaster or not. Who the hell cares? What an idiot."
At that point, all nine candidates joined a chant of "LOSER! LOSER!" while pointing at Gormskeninski, who was vigorously resisting being removed from the hall.
Libertarian candidate and ex-convict Lyndon Larouche issued a statement after the debate stating that Superman: The Escape was indeed a coaster, and that the jackbooted thugs from the IRS who tried to say otherwise should be shot.