Monday, February 02, 2004

We Wonder What Moron Designed the Wonder Zone Website

Although it bereaves us greatly to leave the awesome weirdness of the ARN&R Fanfic Pleasure Village 2000 behind as our Site O' the Weak, we must not tarry in our mission to present, for your edification, as many awful amusement park-related websites as humanly possible. With that in mind, bear witness to the supreme god-awfulness that is the official site for Wonder Zone Amusement Park, a Site O' the Weak for the ages.

Yes, this is an actual "professional" webpage created for an actual theme park in Korea.

Assuming your computer doesn't explode in a shower of sparks attempting to handle loading the massively active front page, enjoy (if that is the appropriate term) the day-glo colors, nauseatingly adorable characters, and the dizzying array of useless graphics. Be sure to have your volume turned well up on your speaker when you run your mouse over the menu items, or else you'll miss out on all those things that bounce around and go "Booooiiiinnnnnggggg!" And then you'd be denying yourself the full spectrum of terror this website can provide.

The park map is also quite fun. First of all, there are all sorts of things that make loud sounds and burst into view if you scroll around a little with your mouse, and that's pretty damn irritating. But, more importantly, does anyone notice any ride names, logos, or mascots anywhere on the page that seem not to be the property of Wonder Zone Amusement Park? Note to Wonder Zone: sometimes a better and more famous amusement park creates a logo for itself or its rides or other properties. It is generally considered "in poor taste," "copyright infringement," and "stealing" if you use those same logos and names for rides in your crappy park. Just thought we'd let you know.

And finally, we'd be remiss if we didn't direct you to the page for a particular hilariously-named ride at the Wonder Zone website. First problem: if you have a park in a nation where the language is not English, it's probably best not to concoct a name for a ride using random English words if you don't know what they mean together. Second problem: if you steal the logo used to represent another park, change one word in the logo, and use it for a ride at your park, it's still stealing. Sorry to be a killjoy.

--JCK

PS to Wonder Land: it is also really unwise to have ride names featuring the word "tang" anywhere in them.
Six Flags, Recognizing Huge Success of Houston SuperBowl, Announces Upgrades for Astroworld PR Department

SuperBowl XXXVIII, held at Houston's Reliant Stadium, turned the attention of the world to Houston, Texas, and Six Flags Inc. noticed.

"We recognize that Houston is becoming an increasingly major tourist attraction, with world-class sports, arts, and commerce," declared the company in a press release. "In recognition of this, we'd like to announce that AstroWorld is a high priority for us and will continue to receive rides that we will describe in our press releases as excellent, exciting, and thrilling. Our announcements will continue to trumpet used and/or cloned rides from Vekoma, Arrow, S&S, and other occasionally competent companies as new, high-speed, and beloved. We will be certain to find at least two enthusiasts for each press day that will be eager to say the same. We believe this focus on continuing to describe our rides in thrilling terms is a way to show the level of respect and love we feel for the people of Houston."

AstroWorld is expected to receive PR staff from Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom, which mastered the art of the press release in its description of a decades-old shuttle loop as its "newest megacoaster."