Thursday, February 27, 2003

ACE Government-In-Exile Proudly Defies Minions of Evil

The Executive Committee of the American Coaster Enthusiasts announced to its membership this week that it is intact and striving to serve worldwide coaster fans. This came as a welcome relief to many members of the club, who feared all office-holders and editors associated with the American Coaster Enthusiasts had fled the country in the wake of a massive governmental overthrow by renegade coaster lovers.

According to the ACE website, “ACE has been informed that its management company has decided to cease doing business at the end of January. ACE's Executive Committee has taken steps to ensure that this action will have minimal impact upon our members and is currently searching for a new management firm. However, the processing time for membership renewals and applications may be slightly higher than normal.” This disturbing announcement was alleged by ACE to be mere cover for a more sinister situation. Although most members of the group thought the organization had been consistently failing to respond to applications or deliver magazines in a timely fashion for no good damn reason, ACE's executive branch declared that, in reality, a brutal coup d’etat toppled the ACE government back in January.

From the ACE Temporary Headquarters, located in a tipped-over, rusting outhouse in eastern Kansas, leaders of the ACE Government-In-Exile issued a terse statement that “ACE will seek revenge upon those who have oppressed us and removed us from our home in lovely Overland Park. We will reclaim our offices, take back our primacy in coaster affairs, and start getting magazines and flyers out within two or three months of when they are alleged to be. Oh, and also, please note that ACE's office has a new, temporary address and fax number.”

The new temporary address for the American Coaster Enthusiasts is presented below as a public service announcement by ARN&R:

American Coaster Enthusiasts
Rusted Outhouse and Two Tents “Borrowed” From Super K-Mart
Right Behind Farmer Brown’s Briar Patch
No, Not Farmer Ezekiel Brown, It’s Actually Farmer Doogie Brown Just Down the Road a Pace
69 Bubba’s BBQ Boulevard
Kind of Near Overland Park, KS 66202

“American Coaster Enthusiasts unite!” yelled President Carole Sanderson from the middle of a muddy cornfield within vague sight of the former ACE headquarters. “We must take back what is ours! The ACE Government-In-Exile will destroy the shadowy puppet enthusiast junta which is currently running the organization in our stead!”

[Editor’s Note: A small but vocal minority of enthusiasts refuses to believe the ACE government was toppled by a coup and is valiantly leading a resistance movement against cruel overlords, despite well-researched information supporting it as fact. Gerald Gustafson’s comments are reflective of those from this group: “Government-in-Exile? Clearly, the ACE leadership just forgot to pay the frickin’ rent, and they got their asses thrown out on the street. Now we get to receive all our publications and renewals three years late instead of six months, and they try to pass it off as some sort of alleged revolution. Puh-leez.” While ARN&R does support freedom of speech and tries to present all opinions on a story, we must seriously bring into question the sanity of crazed conspiracy theorists such as Mr. Gustafson, and suggest our readers give minimal credence to their outlandish tales.]