JCK to Acquire ARN&R
New Company to Deliver Industry-Defining Amusement Industry News, Fart Jokes
AbsolutelyReliable Towers. - February 22, 2006 -
The management of Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors (NYSE:ARNR) announced today that its board had recommended a merger with JCK Industries (NASDAQ:JCFK) in an all-stock deal valued at approximately four dollars and seventy-three cents.
The combination of ARN&R and JCK will provide customers a more powerful set of solutions for understanding, exploring, and laughing at the amusement industry and its aficionados. Together, the two companies will meet a wider set of customer needs and have a significantly greater opportunity to grow into new markets, particularly in the carnival and buffet segments.
"Customers are calling for a more centralized form of amusement news satire," said GP, chief executive officer of ARN&R, who will, as of the close of the deal, retire on a generous multi-million dollar consulting agreement. "By combining our powerful plot development, joke generation, and rapid response teams - along with the complementary aspects of our podcast, retail and stalker/boycott communities - ARN&R has the opportunity to bring this vision to life with an industry-defining vision."
"The synergies are just too great to ignore," said JCK, the new CEO of the combined company. "JCK Industries has been a leading supplier and subcontractor for ARN&R since November, 2002, and once we took over the catering for the executive dining room and erotic massage facility, it was just a matter of time before we acquired the whole thing."
The deal has passed regulatory approval, despite a lawsuit filed by Citizens Action League asserting that the new entity would have an unfair advantage in the amusement news industry. Attorneys representing ARN&R and JCK Industries successfully argued that the ThrillNetwork news was sufficiently hilarious to prevent the new ARN&R from holding a monopoly on the market segment.