Friday, April 04, 2003

In Scheduling Master Stroke, ACE Announces Appearance by That Guy Who Took a Leak on Top Thrill Dragster for CoasterCon

If you thought the fun of CoasterCon was going to be limited to grotesque demonstrations of the elasticity of the human stomach and whining about trim brakes, think again! Because ACE – in a last-minute addition – just announced that that guy who took a leak on Cedar Point’s new coaster, Top Thrill Dragster, will be at the event and speaking to the group.

"When we heard Helen Hunt had yet again sent her regrets about her inability to join us, we knew we needed someone big," said ACE spokesman Constance Laertes. "And then it hit us – that guy who took a leak on Top Thrill Dragster! That'd be huge!"

That guy who took a leak on Top Thrill Dragster was unavailable for comment, but Laertes told ARN&R that his speech is likely to include a detailed discussion of when he realized he needed to urinate, how far it would have been to walk to a Porta-Potty, the sanitation level of said Porta-Potty, how he came to decide that the particular corner was the appropriate place for him to urinate, how it felt to urinate in that corner, how it felt to learn that a photograph of him urinating was being pored over by hundreds of coaster enthusiasts, and how he has found the fame that comes with being that guy who took a leak on Top Thrill Dragster.

For the next big event, ACE is reportedly attempting to book either that girl from the group home who took a dump next to American Eagle or that guy who masturbated behind Hypersonic: XLC's loading station after meeting Stan Checketts.