Sunday, June 15, 2003

Comic Mastermind Gives Roller Coaster Camera “The Bird”

National humor experts and fans of wacky hijinks and merriment were amazed this weekend by the comic timing and brilliance of Worlds of Fun patron Shana Golden, 16. Showing amazing originality, intellect, and wit, Golden demonstrated her natural gift of incisive humor by giving “the bird” to the onboard ride camera for Mamba.

“Sweet fancy Moses!” said comedian Jerry Seinfeld. “I wish I’d thought of something this good. Here I’ve been all these years doing my clean comedy, and it blinded me to the possibilities that giving the finger to a camera could have presented me with. This girl is a genius of comedy, and I bow before her skills.”

The stunning comedic move was noted by Mamba photo booth operator Lars Hetfield at 5:45 PM this past Saturday. “I’ve never seen anything like this,” said a clearly awed Hetfield. “It boggles my mind to think how someone could be so clever and rebellious as to give my camera the finger. No one else in the history of this ride has ever thought to do that. It’s an unparalleled, sublime moment in the history of humor.”

Comic Robin Williams agrees. “Clearly, Ms. Golden must be considered to be the forefront of a new generation of attack-comedy masterminds,” he said. “The evolution of the form began with Lenny Bruce, was raised a level with George Carlin, and now reaches its absolute zenith with Golden’s giving the bird to the camera at Worlds of Fun. She takes all of this anger and directs it in such a unique, brutal way that it comments on the shallowness of modern life around her.”

Williams continued, saying, “beyond the extension of the supremely wondrous middle digit that no one in the long history of any amusement park has ever before even begun to consider doing to a coaster camera, Ms. Golden also shows her scathing and uproarious sense of ground-breaking humor on other occasions, including casually and loudly spouting racial epithets around black and Hispanic parkgoers, throwing pebbles at passing Timberwolf trains, calling the ride operator on Mamba who yelled at her to quit running down the ramp a ‘bitch,’ dropping cigarette ash on babies, and sticking her feet out of the vehicles while they are in motion. We may be witnessing the greatest, most mentally gifted comic mind ever created by the hand of God.”

When asked for a comment by ARN&R, Golden informed us that we were to do something that we certainly aren’t going to print here. However, we would like to state for the record that we declined the invitation, based on Golden’s disturbing lack of personal hygiene.

--JCK

[Related News: Catherine Zeta Jones sues Busch Gardens Tampa over crotch-grabbing and bird-giving to Montu cameras.]