Thursday, May 27, 2004

Cedar Fair: "Screw It, Everyone Gets In Free, Does That Make You Happy?"

In response to ongoing controversies about whether the new Geagua Lake, owned by Cedar Fair after its purchase from Six Flags, would honor the coupons and passess issued by Six Flags, Cedar Fair issued a press release today, declaring "Screw it, everyone gets in free. Does that make you happy, for Chrissakes?!"

The issue first arose in connection with Cedar Fair's initial announcement that it would not honor the Six Flags tickets issued in recognition of children's reading. After some uproar among area residents, Cedar Fair agreed to honor the passes. Then, apparently enjoying the experience of being vilified and rapidly reversing itself, Cedar Fair again announced this week that it would not honor passes issued as part of an anti-drug campaign, only to reverse itself within a day.

The evident frustration resulting from these public relations snafus evidently led to today's press release, which continued: "Okay, fine, everyone in northern Ohio -- hell, make it all of Ohio and those inbred f*cks in Kentucky -- gets in free. You know? We'll just get rid of ticket booths, too. Just walk on in for free. Will that make you happy, 'investigative reporters' and 'consumer advocates?' Buncha crybabies. Jesus, what assholes."