Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Coming Next: USOC to be Petitioned to Recognize Lazer Tag as Olympic Sport

One of our legion of spies has been thoughtful enough to forward us a link to a website so pathetic, it jumped over about twelve other deserving candidates already waiting in line to be acknowledged as the ARN&R Site o' the Weak. Apparently, a few people have come up with the really incredible idea that Dance Dance Revolution, the obnoxious game featured in arcades, home game systems, and almost ubiquitously in amusement parks, should be an Olympic sport.

Judging from the number of enthusiastic, legible, and thought-provoking signatures already placed on the petition, we are quite certain the U.S. Olympic Committee will, unfortunately, be seriously considering making DDR a sport at the 2008 Olympic Games.

At ARN&R, we have already made it quite clear that, not only do we not support DDR becoming an Olympic sport, we would actually prefer to see the game banned entirely. If the federal government is really going to target Howard Stern for obscenity offenses, then it seems only fair that they protect the poor, innocent children from the possiblity of seeing gruesome, pasty mounds of coaster enthusiast flab gyrating off-tempo to terrible music at their local theme park.

--JCK