Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Coaster Enthusiast Takes Pulitzer

In what may be the most surprising news to come out of collective worlds of academia and coaster enthusiasm since the formation of an exclusive roller coaster club for Nobel Prize winners, a coaster enthusiast was just announced as the 2004 Pulitzer Prize winner in the Poetry category. The winning poem, Randy Klapp's "Re: Tsunami's lift hill reaches the top," is described by a leading New York Times reviewer as "the single most important new deconstruction of the traditional use of the English language since E.E. Cummings."

"This is so amazing holy crap I am so excited all I did was think that it was cool to share my seeing a coaster under construction and also how I saw an angle of it from the kiddy land and then wonder about when they will inspect the coaster that I was talking about and then say some stuff about t-shirts and I never expected to win such a cool award just for that but I will certainly accept it oh my I can't wait that is totally awesome!" said the Pulitzer-winning enthusiast.

Klapp went on to speculate that he might be able to slip Halle Berry a tongue kiss if she were to present the Pulitzer to him.

When queried as to why the esteemed members of the Pulitzer Prize Board had given such a prestigious award to someone who appears to lack even the most rudimentary of grammatical skills, Board member Joann Byrd stated that "the author of the magnificent poem 'Re: Tsunami's lift hill reaches the top' refuses to be bound by grammar conventions in order to present his powerful words of hope. Those who do not understand art may think that Mr. Klapp just made each paragraph last exactly one rambling, incomprehensible, grammar-mistake-laden sentence by accident, but we clearly saw how he used this style of writing to show the unfinished nature of the Clementon Tsunami, and, by extension, the entire nature of our incomplete comprehension of the Mighty Cosmos surrounding our Earth. Additionally, the use of a smiley symbol instead of a period demonstrates a forward-thinking, radical break from the stodgy punctuation practices of bygone times, much as Tsunami's record-breaking first drop will break with the conservative, status-quo hills presented by earlier coasters."

Though members of the Pulitzer Board refuse to answer to speculation, the early favorite to win the 2005 Pulitzer Prize in Poetry is reputed by some experts to be "Only Death Can Bring Me There," from the respected Letters & Drama section of the Thrillnerds Forums.

--CSB/JCK