Ruben Continues Writing for Rollercoaster! Magazine
With an amazing three articles in the most recent issue of Rollercoaster! Magazine, Paul Ruben has continued to stake his claim as one of the most influential and deeply respected amusement park experts in the world. Always seeking to be on top of breaking news, ARN&R has recently learned that Ruben will not only continue writing articles for the magazine at his current feverish pace, but will also continue to use his patented and successful new "Copying a Park's Press Release and Just Changing a Few Words around" style popularized during his recent RC! review of the Mummy at Universal Studios.
An ARN&R spy at the American Coaster Enthusiast's World Headquarters and Outhouse provided us with a rough draft of one of Ruben amazing five articles slated for publication in the next RC!, scheduled for delivery sometime in late 2009:
TWO New Coasters for the New England Area's Biggest and Greatest Park Ever!
It is a big deal when a park opens one massive new top-ten coaster. It's even better when they open two! That's what Six Flags New England has done with this season, by opening not one, but two great rides at their park. And one of them is wild and wet! One of the thrilling new rides is Mr. Six's Pandemonium, the first time a ride has been themed to the fun loving moves of dance done by Mr. Six, the park's popular mascot. Also there is Typhoon, a cutting edge "rocket-booster" powered water coaster from the cutting edge of coaster design.
The two new rides offer a fabulous unique experience to be shared by friends and family. They continue the park's specific commitment to providing excellent guest services and good times for patrons. They are also incredibly unique.
Mr. Six's Pandemonium will thrill park visitors by giving them a fabulous all-new unique and very unique ride experience. It is five stories up and dances and spins! It spins like a top, which will be wonderful for visitors. It also features great hairpin turns and also plummets and spirals and is totally unique. Ever ride a guest takes will be different from the last, a unique and fun thrill unheard of elsewhere. You may laugh yourself silly on this new thrill ride!
Also making a big splash will be Typhoon, which is also a new coaster. It is extreme! So hang on as you experience a three-way raft thrill experience. It's rocket propelled water and conveyer belts will sling you through a maze of tunnels, turns, and give you the height of thrills you seek in an amusement park! Also, it is fun for the family. The uphill sections are extremely fast, and you'll get all wet on this attraction!
Truly Six Flags New England has topped the charts with this fantastic set of thrillride additions. Double the fun at the cost of only one park, Six Flags New England and Hurricane Harbor are the world's best value and make them leaders in family Playtime! A part of Six Flags, Inc., the world's largest regional theme park company which serves 34 of the 50 largest metropolitan areas in the United States, Six Flags New England scores again and is now the greatest amusement park on the planet.
When queried about the new article's striking resemblance to the official Six Flags press release regarding SFNE, as well as the same striking resemblance the Mummy article had to official press releases from Universal regarding the Mummy, Rollercoaster! Magazine's Asisstant Junior Manager for Printing Fawning Letters of Support for the Magazine From Friends of the Assistant Junior Manager for Printing Fawning Letters of Support reportedly said "Huh? No, no, they are totally different. And it doesn't resemble 'Under Pressure' either, so don't even start on that shit."
--JCK (From an Idea by NDS)