Sunday, January 08, 2006

Six Flags Announces Further New Plans

In a press conference yesterday, Daniel Snyder announced future plans for Six Flags.

The plans included previously made statements, such as upping prices for tickets, focusing more on park atmosphere and cleanliness, and the removal of Mr. Six from all advertising campaigns.

However, Snyder announced a few more changes -- namely, the removal of all rides from Six Flags parks, the selling of all park land, and the addition of a new mascot, Mr. Safe:


Six Flags's New Mascot, Mr. Safe

When questioned about the changes, Snyder replied with the following:

"My original plan was to simply reduce ride construction, sell off all excess land so that we wouldn?t be tempted to spend money on expanding our parks, and remove the extremely offensive and unclean Mr. Six from marketing by replacing him with a new slogan -- 'Clean, safe, fun!' However, as my colleagues and I got to thinking, we realized that we could save even more money by cutting costs on our currently existing rides and facilities. We decided the best way to do this was to simply get rid of everything, sell all park land, and keep the parking lots so that we still make a profit! It was a win-win situation! Mr. Safe was also an excellent addition to our marketing team. We believe his style and look represent the new type of sterile fun we want our guests to have."

When asked about the fate of the currently existing rides, Snyder replied: "We will sell everything except the roller coasters, which will be melted down to make parking meters. Our lots aren't free, you know."

The reaction from the industry has been uproar. A reporter attempted to reach Robert Iger, CEO of Disney, for comment, but only managed to catch a glimpse of Iger, who was laughing maniacally and crossing ?Six Flags? off of a list entitled "To Kill."

A member of ACE attended the press conference and attempted to rush Snyder's podium upon hearing the new changes. He was quickly stopped by Snyder's bouncer, however, who distracted him with a donut.

--SPS

[Ed. Note: Our podcast's second episode features additional Six Flags plans.]