Saturday, February 18, 2006

ARN&R 1000th Post Celebration to Rock Planet Next Week

It's celebration time at the world's leading amusement park satire blog. Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors will publish its 1000th post as early as the beginning of next week. "It's a major milestone," said the ARN&R Supreme Dictator For All Eternity, also known as the Grand Poobah. "Never before has a website dedicated to mocking amusement parks and coaster enthusiasts remained on the air for this long. Wow, 1000 posts. I'm not sure that will ever sink in."

First appearing on the internet in early September, 2002, with an article about an innovative Halloween collaboration between Intamin and Six Flags, ARN&R quickly gained as many as seven or eight regular readers as it lambasted Six Flags, Disney, annoying enthusiasts, and anything else that came to mind regarding the park industry. Begun as the sole venture of the Poobah, the site quickly expanded its ranks by involving sexy-voiced co-editor-in-chief JCK, as well as several other writers, notably but not limited to the infamous MMS, CSB, FMB, and MOS.

To commemorate the historic 1000-post achievement, the heads of ARN&R have announced a massive celebration, to be transmitted as a simulcast from several major ARN&R landmarks, including the AbsolutelyReliable Towers, AbsolutelyReliable Mansion, AbsolutelyReliable Corporate Mega-Campus, and the Absolutely Reliable Foreign And/Or Semi-Literate Customer Inquiry Center. The huge Pay-Per-View event will include concerts, celebrity appearances, and a star-studded Very Special Episode of ARN&R, rumored to involve the Fresh Prince being stroked in his bathing suit area by an elderly Old Town ride op, fighting alcohol addiction, being shot in the back, learning that lying is bad, and being penis-whipped by a clown.

In addition to Will Smith, celebrities and luminaries reportedly attending will include the Rolling Stones, Xfan, Lee Coaster, Dieter Nainanajar and Miguel Fredrickson of the Absolutely Reliable Foreign And/Or Semi-Literate Customer Inquiry Center, Dr. Dikembe Billy-Bob Rittenhouse Arjumand Ktulu-Lieberman Svenson III of the Mayo Clinic, Shamu, Mrceagle, Brittany Lynn Swanson, and Leif Ericsson. Also, it is rumored that there may be some surprise additional guests from the ARN&R Fanfic Pleasure Village 2000. As longtime viewers of the website will presume, the event will be MC'd by ARN&R's hot tub resident and chief celebrity endorser Jessica Alba.

Something about a clip show was also mentioned by a representative of ARN&R, but intrepid industry spies were unable to confirm what this might entail.

"All fans and enemies of ARN&R are welcome to share in our joy at this magnificent step for our franchise," said the Poobah. "Let this be not only the conclusion of our first thousand posts, but the beginning of a thousand more, presided over by my benevolent yet tyrannical gaze."

"I just hope this party is better than the one for our tenth post," added eternal pessimist JCK.

--JCK