Paramount to Relaunch Bonfante Gardens as Rugrats Gardenzville
Many enthusiasts were pleased to hear that Paramount would be managing Bonfante Gardens, the garden-themed nonprofit amusement park in northern California. And now Paramount has announced its plans: Bonfante Gardens will henceforth be known as Rugrats Gardenzville and undergo a complete retheming.
Upon entering the park, guests will no longer be greeted by decades-old "circus trees," carefully tended to maintain their beauty. Instead, according to park spokesman Bruce Falbo, "Those ugly things got torn out and thrown out back. Who wants crazy-ass trees at an amusement park, anyway? Now we've got all the Rugrats and Blue and sometimes even guest stars from Nickelodeon in the entrance plaza, right next to the Drop Zone tower ride and the all-new launched coaster Flight of Fear."
The unique plant- and vegetable-themed rides will be rethemed as well. Gone is the Artichoke Dip flat ride -- it's now the Hurler. And the Garlic Twirl is now Blue's Big Adventure Spinning Ride. "Yep," said Falbo, "It'll be just like Paramount's Great America up the street. It'll be great!"
When reached for comment, Michael Bonfante, who has cared for the trees and other plants in the park for years and dedicated his life to founding the park, wept quietly.
Thursday, April 24, 2003
Wednesday, April 23, 2003
Breaking News: Six Flags to Open Six Flags Over Shiite-Controlled Iraq
Details are sketchy as yet, but ARN&R has received word from three independent and well-informed sources that Six Flags Inc. will open Six Flags Over Shiite-Controlled Iraq within three weeks.
The park, to be located near Najaf, will celebrate the long history of the Shiite fundamentalists' anti-American radicalism, including several new coasters. The signature coaster will be a new Intamin hypercoaster called "Superman: Ride of Destroying the American Infidels," with a GCI-designed wooden coaster called simply "Kill All Americans." Flat rides include a Top Scan called "God Will Roast Their Stomachs in Hell at the Hands of Iraqis," and Sally is expected to provide a heavily themed interactive dark ride called "Amerian Infidel Hunters."
Six Flags spokeswoman Rachel Solt declared, "Six Flags has always been about celebrating diversity -- heck, our flagship park is themed after all the different cultures that had controlled Texas! This is just another way of showing the world how much we love every person, even if they wish to kill us and destroy our government!"
Details are sketchy as yet, but ARN&R has received word from three independent and well-informed sources that Six Flags Inc. will open Six Flags Over Shiite-Controlled Iraq within three weeks.
The park, to be located near Najaf, will celebrate the long history of the Shiite fundamentalists' anti-American radicalism, including several new coasters. The signature coaster will be a new Intamin hypercoaster called "Superman: Ride of Destroying the American Infidels," with a GCI-designed wooden coaster called simply "Kill All Americans." Flat rides include a Top Scan called "God Will Roast Their Stomachs in Hell at the Hands of Iraqis," and Sally is expected to provide a heavily themed interactive dark ride called "Amerian Infidel Hunters."
Six Flags spokeswoman Rachel Solt declared, "Six Flags has always been about celebrating diversity -- heck, our flagship park is themed after all the different cultures that had controlled Texas! This is just another way of showing the world how much we love every person, even if they wish to kill us and destroy our government!"
Tuesday, April 22, 2003
Universal's Plans For Coaster Criticized By Neighborhood; Enthusiasts Furious
Universal Studios announced last week plans for an enormous hyper coaster to run on each of its Islands of Adventure, breaking numerous world records as it goes, but there was just one quirk: the bottom of its initial 345-foot drop would run straight through a day care center for underprivileged orphans that sits just outside Universal's property, and the track would have no fencing around it at all, permitting the orphans to crawl over the track as they please while the coaster was operating. Universal also announced that it would use the day care center as the sorting facility for its massive garbage recycling program.
Orlando neighborhood activists were incensed and immediately vowed to block the coaster's construction, calling the company's actions "insensitive" and "appalling." Once word spread among enthusiasts, however, the activists were termed "snotty NIMBYers" (referring to "Not In My Backyard") "who should've known what to expect when they moved to Orlando, including incredibly dangerous amusement rides causing great bodily harm to toddler orphans."
"It's just like when Disney got screwed out of building a theme park near the colonial battlegrounds!" complained HistorySuxCoasterzRule, an active participant at CoasterBuzz. "It was going to be totally respectful of history -- heck, they were even going to have authentic colonial roasted turkey legs! But noooo, the so-called historians blocked that, and now the so-called 'orphans' are using their powerful lobbying force to block what would be terrific for Orlando."
Universal, at press time, was standing firm on its plans, and was in fact considering expanding them. "We've been thinking that the church next door that provides food to hundreds of homeless people daily would be a terrific place for a gift shop and maybe a climbing wall!" said spokesman Charles Anderson. "And maybe we'll add a Dippin' Dots booth in that day care center, too."
Universal Studios announced last week plans for an enormous hyper coaster to run on each of its Islands of Adventure, breaking numerous world records as it goes, but there was just one quirk: the bottom of its initial 345-foot drop would run straight through a day care center for underprivileged orphans that sits just outside Universal's property, and the track would have no fencing around it at all, permitting the orphans to crawl over the track as they please while the coaster was operating. Universal also announced that it would use the day care center as the sorting facility for its massive garbage recycling program.
Orlando neighborhood activists were incensed and immediately vowed to block the coaster's construction, calling the company's actions "insensitive" and "appalling." Once word spread among enthusiasts, however, the activists were termed "snotty NIMBYers" (referring to "Not In My Backyard") "who should've known what to expect when they moved to Orlando, including incredibly dangerous amusement rides causing great bodily harm to toddler orphans."
"It's just like when Disney got screwed out of building a theme park near the colonial battlegrounds!" complained HistorySuxCoasterzRule, an active participant at CoasterBuzz. "It was going to be totally respectful of history -- heck, they were even going to have authentic colonial roasted turkey legs! But noooo, the so-called historians blocked that, and now the so-called 'orphans' are using their powerful lobbying force to block what would be terrific for Orlando."
Universal, at press time, was standing firm on its plans, and was in fact considering expanding them. "We've been thinking that the church next door that provides food to hundreds of homeless people daily would be a terrific place for a gift shop and maybe a climbing wall!" said spokesman Charles Anderson. "And maybe we'll add a Dippin' Dots booth in that day care center, too."
Monday, April 21, 2003
Stern Disciplinarian ACE Parent Corrects Child’s Coaster Count
A short but intense argument erupted this afternoon at the Camp Snoopy amusement park in the Mall of America in Bloomington, Minnesota, when horrified American Coaster Enthusiast and Coaster Zombie member Herb Woladarsky, 33, caught his six-year-old daughter Emily attempting to count the “Li’l Shaver” attraction on her coaster credit list.
The incident in question occurred at approximately 6:35 PM this Sunday. Apparently, the day started like any other day a family of four would expect at an American amusement venue: fun, camaraderie, vomiting bad chili dogs. But then, without warning, tragedy struck. After a laughing and clapping Emily completed a circuit on the Li’l Shaver, a powered Zamperla attraction strongly resembling a regular kiddie coaster, the child called out, “Daddy! This roller coaster was so much fun! Can I ride it again? Please?”
“It was a disgrace to me as an ACE member and as a human being,” a distraught Woladarsky told reporters. “Everyone knows Li’l Shaver is a powered ride, not a true coaster. See how the track features a third rail that electrically moves the cars along the track? That’s not gravity running this thing! It’s so blatantly obvious, even a retarded chimp could tell the difference, but I guess my daughter can’t. I guess I blame myself for not using corporal punishment when she was younger, but I won’t make that mistake again.” Woladarsky then broke down into tears, obviously deeply upset by the tragic events of the day.
Hoping little Emily would yet learn from her terrible mistake, Woladarsky drove her home in silence, then sent her to her room to write 50,000 times, “Zamperla Dragon rides are NOT coasters.” ARN&R representatives noted, however, that Emily appeared to actually be scribbling “stoopid Daddy likes Hercules best” over and over.
--JCK
[Editor's Note: Make sure your child knows not to count a powered ride on his or her coaster list. Get a silly bib for the tykes or, for your surly louse of a teenager, a t-shirt featuring a picture of a guy pissing all over the new Top Thrill Dragster at our Online Shoppe!]
A short but intense argument erupted this afternoon at the Camp Snoopy amusement park in the Mall of America in Bloomington, Minnesota, when horrified American Coaster Enthusiast and Coaster Zombie member Herb Woladarsky, 33, caught his six-year-old daughter Emily attempting to count the “Li’l Shaver” attraction on her coaster credit list.
The incident in question occurred at approximately 6:35 PM this Sunday. Apparently, the day started like any other day a family of four would expect at an American amusement venue: fun, camaraderie, vomiting bad chili dogs. But then, without warning, tragedy struck. After a laughing and clapping Emily completed a circuit on the Li’l Shaver, a powered Zamperla attraction strongly resembling a regular kiddie coaster, the child called out, “Daddy! This roller coaster was so much fun! Can I ride it again? Please?”
“It was a disgrace to me as an ACE member and as a human being,” a distraught Woladarsky told reporters. “Everyone knows Li’l Shaver is a powered ride, not a true coaster. See how the track features a third rail that electrically moves the cars along the track? That’s not gravity running this thing! It’s so blatantly obvious, even a retarded chimp could tell the difference, but I guess my daughter can’t. I guess I blame myself for not using corporal punishment when she was younger, but I won’t make that mistake again.” Woladarsky then broke down into tears, obviously deeply upset by the tragic events of the day.
Hoping little Emily would yet learn from her terrible mistake, Woladarsky drove her home in silence, then sent her to her room to write 50,000 times, “Zamperla Dragon rides are NOT coasters.” ARN&R representatives noted, however, that Emily appeared to actually be scribbling “stoopid Daddy likes Hercules best” over and over.
--JCK
[Editor's Note: Make sure your child knows not to count a powered ride on his or her coaster list. Get a silly bib for the tykes or, for your surly louse of a teenager, a t-shirt featuring a picture of a guy pissing all over the new Top Thrill Dragster at our Online Shoppe!]
Friday, April 18, 2003
Discovery Announces Enthusiasts Gone Wild Series of DVDs
The Discovery Channel announced today a new series of videos entitled Enthusiasts Gone Wild, featuring the most crazy and uncensored outtakes from the network's years of amusement park-oriented documentaries.
"We just realized we had warehouses of raw footage -- and I mean raw!" exclaimed Discovery spokesman Brad Welsh in an exclusive ARN&R interview. "Acres and acres of bare skin, gravy being slathered all over masses of humanity, and the craziest on-ride photos you've ever seen! I'm still having nightmares!"
An advance screening by ARN&R's television critic reveals that events held at Cedar Point are most prominently featured. Among the highlights are clips of the passionate but unsurprisingly short on-ride consummation of the wedding of two unnamed ACE members at a special late-night ride on Gemini, a fully nude Dance Dance Revolution competition, and a naked and oiled game of Twister on the plaza in front of Wicked Twister, including a round with the entire administrative staff of Cedar Fair. The DVD also includes a short piece featuring creative placement and use of park iron-on patches.
A special bonus section features the wildest stunts pulled by enthusiasts hoping to get early access to buffets. The section features a five-minute montage of enthusiasts baring their chests at buffet guards, who invariably recoil in horror and allow access.
A planned second DVD, entitled "Wildest Enthusiast Mullets," is expected to be released in time for Christmas.
[Editor's Note: You can create your own wildest enthusiast videos! Go buy a thong and go nuts with the video camera! Just don't send us the video. Please. For the love of God.]
The Discovery Channel announced today a new series of videos entitled Enthusiasts Gone Wild, featuring the most crazy and uncensored outtakes from the network's years of amusement park-oriented documentaries.
"We just realized we had warehouses of raw footage -- and I mean raw!" exclaimed Discovery spokesman Brad Welsh in an exclusive ARN&R interview. "Acres and acres of bare skin, gravy being slathered all over masses of humanity, and the craziest on-ride photos you've ever seen! I'm still having nightmares!"
An advance screening by ARN&R's television critic reveals that events held at Cedar Point are most prominently featured. Among the highlights are clips of the passionate but unsurprisingly short on-ride consummation of the wedding of two unnamed ACE members at a special late-night ride on Gemini, a fully nude Dance Dance Revolution competition, and a naked and oiled game of Twister on the plaza in front of Wicked Twister, including a round with the entire administrative staff of Cedar Fair. The DVD also includes a short piece featuring creative placement and use of park iron-on patches.
A special bonus section features the wildest stunts pulled by enthusiasts hoping to get early access to buffets. The section features a five-minute montage of enthusiasts baring their chests at buffet guards, who invariably recoil in horror and allow access.
A planned second DVD, entitled "Wildest Enthusiast Mullets," is expected to be released in time for Christmas.
[Editor's Note: You can create your own wildest enthusiast videos! Go buy a thong and go nuts with the video camera! Just don't send us the video. Please. For the love of God.]
Tuesday, April 15, 2003
Events Upcoming: Offend Your Fellow Enthusiasts!
As perhaps you have forgotten, we here at ARN&R have an innovative plan that permits you to give us money in return for stuff. We even have a new t-shirt referencing urination! And nothing says "Put me on Discovery!" like a t-shirt featuring someone taking a leak. We also have various forms of underwear adorned with double entendres (really more like single entendres), license plate frames, and picture frames for your on-ride photos, all at prices that seem reasonable compared to those at actual amusement parks.
So go shopping for yourself, for your theoretical boy or girlfriend, for your grandma -- heck, do your Christmas shopping now! Buy stuff! It's the American way!
As perhaps you have forgotten, we here at ARN&R have an innovative plan that permits you to give us money in return for stuff. We even have a new t-shirt referencing urination! And nothing says "Put me on Discovery!" like a t-shirt featuring someone taking a leak. We also have various forms of underwear adorned with double entendres (really more like single entendres), license plate frames, and picture frames for your on-ride photos, all at prices that seem reasonable compared to those at actual amusement parks.
So go shopping for yourself, for your theoretical boy or girlfriend, for your grandma -- heck, do your Christmas shopping now! Buy stuff! It's the American way!
Monday, April 14, 2003
Enthusiast Adopts Child to Improve Credit Count
Joe Lekowski, a Pennsylvania-area enthusiast with more than 150 coasters to his credit, was looking for that extra edge to get to the next level. International travel was out of the question, as his employment in the stock room at Wal-Mart precluded any travel not depended on his 1992 Honda Accord (and because he feared that he'd find himself in a terrifying foreign land without a Chick-Fil-A), and he'd already visted a high percentage of the parks within domestic driving distance.
In the off season, he spent hours, if not days, contemplating how he could reach 250 or perhaps even 300 coasters and surpass his nemesis, known only as DejaVroomin at ThrillNetwork's forums.
Then he had what he describes as a "eureka!" moment. There were dozens and dozens of children's coasters that he'd never ridden due to his single childless status; if he had a child, he could increase his count enormously in just days. But how to obtain a child? Traditional means were out of the question, due to his utter lack of prospects for a partner and certain other medical hurdles. And his acquaintances with children tended to obtain restraining orders when he asked to "borrow" their children.
But then, while watching a late-night repeat broadcast of Las Vegas's Badasssss Thrill Rides on the Travel Channel, he saw an advertisement seeking funds to feed hungry African children. That was the breakthrough Lekowski was looking for. He wouldn't just pay for rice and beans, he would actually adopt a child and provide the child with all the funnel cakes imaginable.
So now, Lekowski is the proud father of Idowu Babatunde "Stan" Lekowski, a fourteen-year-old boy from Nigeria. Lekowski initially sought an Asian child due to the extended period during which the child might be short enough to get Joe onto kids' coasters, but Idowu had the good fortune of being born with a genetic abnormality, leading doctors to predict that he will never stand taller than 34 inches. "It's perfect!" exclaimed the senior Lekowski. "So long as we keep him shaved, this kid can get me into Jeepers! until he's thirty!"
"Stan" lives in a separate corner of Joe's parents' basement and is learning English exclusively through his father's extensive collection of self-created on-ride video footage. In an exclusive ARN&R interview on the subject of the emotional impact of his adoption and integration into U.S. culture, he said, "Whoooo-hoo!! Check out that airtime! I've got a woodie, I mean, I love this woodie! Whooooo! The lats!"
Joe Lekowski, a Pennsylvania-area enthusiast with more than 150 coasters to his credit, was looking for that extra edge to get to the next level. International travel was out of the question, as his employment in the stock room at Wal-Mart precluded any travel not depended on his 1992 Honda Accord (and because he feared that he'd find himself in a terrifying foreign land without a Chick-Fil-A), and he'd already visted a high percentage of the parks within domestic driving distance.
In the off season, he spent hours, if not days, contemplating how he could reach 250 or perhaps even 300 coasters and surpass his nemesis, known only as DejaVroomin at ThrillNetwork's forums.
Then he had what he describes as a "eureka!" moment. There were dozens and dozens of children's coasters that he'd never ridden due to his single childless status; if he had a child, he could increase his count enormously in just days. But how to obtain a child? Traditional means were out of the question, due to his utter lack of prospects for a partner and certain other medical hurdles. And his acquaintances with children tended to obtain restraining orders when he asked to "borrow" their children.
But then, while watching a late-night repeat broadcast of Las Vegas's Badasssss Thrill Rides on the Travel Channel, he saw an advertisement seeking funds to feed hungry African children. That was the breakthrough Lekowski was looking for. He wouldn't just pay for rice and beans, he would actually adopt a child and provide the child with all the funnel cakes imaginable.
So now, Lekowski is the proud father of Idowu Babatunde "Stan" Lekowski, a fourteen-year-old boy from Nigeria. Lekowski initially sought an Asian child due to the extended period during which the child might be short enough to get Joe onto kids' coasters, but Idowu had the good fortune of being born with a genetic abnormality, leading doctors to predict that he will never stand taller than 34 inches. "It's perfect!" exclaimed the senior Lekowski. "So long as we keep him shaved, this kid can get me into Jeepers! until he's thirty!"
"Stan" lives in a separate corner of Joe's parents' basement and is learning English exclusively through his father's extensive collection of self-created on-ride video footage. In an exclusive ARN&R interview on the subject of the emotional impact of his adoption and integration into U.S. culture, he said, "Whoooo-hoo!! Check out that airtime! I've got a woodie, I mean, I love this woodie! Whooooo! The lats!"
Friday, April 11, 2003
Raging Wolf Bobs to be Even More Incredible
Excited enthusiasts were restrained today from storming the gates of Six Flags Worlds of Adventure, immediately following an announcement by the park that Raging Wolf Bobs would be receiving Gerstlauer trains for the next season. Park security was unprepared for the deluge of rabid Gerstlauer fans, reputed to be in excess of 1000 (people, not average raw tonnage), and was forced to summon the National Guard. Although the throng of devoted Gerstlauer fans managed to damage the main gates and entry plaza, the Guardsmen quickly subdued them with a hail of rubber bullets and C2 grenades, as well as knight sticks and elephant tranquilizer guns.
"We are upset by this violent turn of events," stated Gary Biacovsky, manager of the park. "Still, we are pleased by the outpouring of support for our policy of improving this classic woodie and making it all the more scrumptious. We encourage all these rioting heathen to return with their families in order to experience the wonder and majesty of Raging Wolf Bobs with the finest steel and hard fiberglass coaster cars ever created!"
"We were in rapture," stated Matt Bessemer, an Ohio enthusiast, from the prison holding cell where he had just been successfully anally violated by a large thug named "Ben Dover." "We just got kind of carried away and started attacking the guards who wouldn't let us ride Raging Wolf Bobs right then and there. I mean, can you imagine what it's going to be like? Raging Wolf Bobs, the legendary Summers and Dinn creation with such smooth track, incredible speed, bountiful airtime, and no shuffling and banging whatsoever, combined with the most sublime granite-encased rolling stock on the planet? The new incarnation of this ride is sure to kick the ass off of Shivering Timbers and Tremors in Mitch Hawker's next poll!"
In related news, SFWOA said it was pondering buying some used Morgan cars for use on Villain, in the hopes of making it all the tastier, as well.
--JCK
Excited enthusiasts were restrained today from storming the gates of Six Flags Worlds of Adventure, immediately following an announcement by the park that Raging Wolf Bobs would be receiving Gerstlauer trains for the next season. Park security was unprepared for the deluge of rabid Gerstlauer fans, reputed to be in excess of 1000 (people, not average raw tonnage), and was forced to summon the National Guard. Although the throng of devoted Gerstlauer fans managed to damage the main gates and entry plaza, the Guardsmen quickly subdued them with a hail of rubber bullets and C2 grenades, as well as knight sticks and elephant tranquilizer guns.
"We are upset by this violent turn of events," stated Gary Biacovsky, manager of the park. "Still, we are pleased by the outpouring of support for our policy of improving this classic woodie and making it all the more scrumptious. We encourage all these rioting heathen to return with their families in order to experience the wonder and majesty of Raging Wolf Bobs with the finest steel and hard fiberglass coaster cars ever created!"
"We were in rapture," stated Matt Bessemer, an Ohio enthusiast, from the prison holding cell where he had just been successfully anally violated by a large thug named "Ben Dover." "We just got kind of carried away and started attacking the guards who wouldn't let us ride Raging Wolf Bobs right then and there. I mean, can you imagine what it's going to be like? Raging Wolf Bobs, the legendary Summers and Dinn creation with such smooth track, incredible speed, bountiful airtime, and no shuffling and banging whatsoever, combined with the most sublime granite-encased rolling stock on the planet? The new incarnation of this ride is sure to kick the ass off of Shivering Timbers and Tremors in Mitch Hawker's next poll!"
In related news, SFWOA said it was pondering buying some used Morgan cars for use on Villain, in the hopes of making it all the tastier, as well.
--JCK
Thursday, April 10, 2003
Fun With Search Engines
Yes, indeed, we got not one but two visitors recently searching for "Jessica Alba belching." Thanks, Google! Glad to be number two on that list!
And to those of you who came here looking for Denise Richards scratching herself, Heather Graham farting, or Cameron Diaz treating head lice, we say: Welcome! We make fun of the amusement industry and coaster enthusiasts! We're sure this is just exactly what you were looking for!
Yes, indeed, we got not one but two visitors recently searching for "Jessica Alba belching." Thanks, Google! Glad to be number two on that list!
And to those of you who came here looking for Denise Richards scratching herself, Heather Graham farting, or Cameron Diaz treating head lice, we say: Welcome! We make fun of the amusement industry and coaster enthusiasts! We're sure this is just exactly what you were looking for!
Wednesday, April 09, 2003
Area Man Doesn't Understand Why Co-Workers Don't Like to Discuss Coasters
Todd Simmons, 29, an associate regional manager at local manufacturer DynaAcmeCorp, can't figure out why his co-workers don't like hearing about his coaster trips. "I go somewhere almost every weekend," he said. "I would think that they would appreciate my insight into the non-essential trim brakes on Alpengeist or an in-depth analysis comparing GCI and CCI's track work. But they tend to start fidgeting almost immediately and claiming to have a lot of work to do."
"That guy just won't shut the hell up!" said Steve Pritchard, who has the cubicle next to Simmons. "Everyday its Millennium Force this, Superman Ride of Steel that. That guy just needs to keep it to himself."
Lars Jankowski, the company's I.T. manager, agreed. "It's great that this guy likes what he does, but come on, no one here gives a shit. Todd seems to think that I care about why X is the future of coasters. The truth is, I don't. I used to be indifferent to amusement parks and now I downright hate them --- and it's all because of Todd."
During an afternoon break three office interns had to be "rescued" from Simmons when he had them cornered in the break room talking about the "inherent smoothness" of B&M roller coasters. One threatened to quit the company, but the area manager promised them that they no longer have to talk with Simmons on a regular basis.
When asked what would help office morale, Pritchard said simply, "That guy needs to get laid."
--FMB
Todd Simmons, 29, an associate regional manager at local manufacturer DynaAcmeCorp, can't figure out why his co-workers don't like hearing about his coaster trips. "I go somewhere almost every weekend," he said. "I would think that they would appreciate my insight into the non-essential trim brakes on Alpengeist or an in-depth analysis comparing GCI and CCI's track work. But they tend to start fidgeting almost immediately and claiming to have a lot of work to do."
"That guy just won't shut the hell up!" said Steve Pritchard, who has the cubicle next to Simmons. "Everyday its Millennium Force this, Superman Ride of Steel that. That guy just needs to keep it to himself."
Lars Jankowski, the company's I.T. manager, agreed. "It's great that this guy likes what he does, but come on, no one here gives a shit. Todd seems to think that I care about why X is the future of coasters. The truth is, I don't. I used to be indifferent to amusement parks and now I downright hate them --- and it's all because of Todd."
During an afternoon break three office interns had to be "rescued" from Simmons when he had them cornered in the break room talking about the "inherent smoothness" of B&M roller coasters. One threatened to quit the company, but the area manager promised them that they no longer have to talk with Simmons on a regular basis.
When asked what would help office morale, Pritchard said simply, "That guy needs to get laid."
--FMB
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