Our Question Is...
When will Flying Turns open?
We demand precision!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Are You Ready?
That's how long until the next Theme Park Review Friday update at RRC if it appears as the same time as last week.
Update: OHMIGODOHMIGOD THEY POSTED EARLY!!!@!!!@! CHECK IT OUT PEEEPS!!!!!!!!1 And...go!
Get yer typing fingers ready! Get yer insane asshattery prepared!
--GP
That's how long until the next Theme Park Review Friday update at RRC if it appears as the same time as last week.
Update: OHMIGODOHMIGOD THEY POSTED EARLY!!!@!!!@! CHECK IT OUT PEEEPS!!!!!!!!1 And...go!
Get yer typing fingers ready! Get yer insane asshattery prepared!
--GP
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
NYC: "Yes, We Would Like Coney Island to Look Just Like Your Mall."
In a surprising announcement, the New York City government acknowledged today that it does, in fact, want Coney Island ultimately to look like your regional mall. "In particular, we are seeking to emulate that classic and intensely missed mall, the Northland Shopping Center of Jennings, Missouri. But with new and similarly generic stores."
The press release continued: "Why have local and eclectic amusements, and historical buildings? Why have the original Nathan's? The answer is: No reason, when you can have a Gap, FYE, Abercrombie & Fitch, and, most critically, a One Potato Two and a Mrs. Fields Cookies."
Construction on the expected thirteen Starbucks will start immediately. Additionally, the press release notes that all current Coney Island residents will be replaced by white people from South Dakota.
--GP
In a surprising announcement, the New York City government acknowledged today that it does, in fact, want Coney Island ultimately to look like your regional mall. "In particular, we are seeking to emulate that classic and intensely missed mall, the Northland Shopping Center of Jennings, Missouri. But with new and similarly generic stores."
The press release continued: "Why have local and eclectic amusements, and historical buildings? Why have the original Nathan's? The answer is: No reason, when you can have a Gap, FYE, Abercrombie & Fitch, and, most critically, a One Potato Two and a Mrs. Fields Cookies."
Construction on the expected thirteen Starbucks will start immediately. Additionally, the press release notes that all current Coney Island residents will be replaced by white people from South Dakota.
--GP
Royalty Comes Out in Full Force for Inauguration
What's that? All those drama queens are actually just responding to a TPR thread?
Huh.
--GP
What's that? All those drama queens are actually just responding to a TPR thread?
Huh.
--GP
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Fight! Fight! Fight!
It's a fight!
An incredibly lame, petty, pointless fight, one in which you just hope everyone beats the crap out of everyone else, but a fight!
Whoo!
--GP
P.S. to people who bring kids into a fight: you're idiots.
It's a fight!
An incredibly lame, petty, pointless fight, one in which you just hope everyone beats the crap out of everyone else, but a fight!
Whoo!
--GP
P.S. to people who bring kids into a fight: you're idiots.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Six Flags Again Does Our Job For Us
Really, Six Flags? You have so much extra money around that you think it makes sense to start a...wait a minute, we can't be reading this right. It's gotta be a typo. Just a second, let us go check on this.
[Sounds of rummaging through papers...]
Really? That's what it is?
A hair cutting store chain? Themed after a floundering amusement park chain?
WTF?
--GP
Really, Six Flags? You have so much extra money around that you think it makes sense to start a...wait a minute, we can't be reading this right. It's gotta be a typo. Just a second, let us go check on this.
[Sounds of rummaging through papers...]
Really? That's what it is?
A hair cutting store chain? Themed after a floundering amusement park chain?
WTF?
--GP
Friday, August 29, 2008
We apologize for the delay
This certainly does call for mockery, but we can't quite bring ourselves to do it. Too damn cute.
Clearly, we are losing it.
--GP
This certainly does call for mockery, but we can't quite bring ourselves to do it. Too damn cute.
Clearly, we are losing it.
--GP
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Holiday World Announces Very Very Large Water Feature
In a highly-anticipated move, Holiday World recently announced a very very large water feature, easily eclipsing its Applause Hands fountain as the biggest non-passenger-carrying water feature in the park.
"We knew we needed a big attraction, but we didn't really want something that would carry passengers or, you know, function," said park president Will Koch. "For tall and non-functional engineering and construction, we knew there was only one company to turn to: Intamin. They've got a long and proud tradition of building enormous sculptures that don't actually run in the way you expect rides to operate, you know, with patrons or anything like that. So Pilgrims Plunge will join a long series of zero passengers-per-hour Intamin rides."
Holiday World issued a statement declaring that its decision was inspired by Six Flags's addition of the world's largest lawn ornament, Kingda Ka, at its New Jersey park. "That installation was so successful they were able to remove their other decoration, Batman & Robin: The Chiller. We're hoping that Pilgrims Plunge will sit, untouched by patrons actually riding, for many years, providing a great photo background."
--GP
In a highly-anticipated move, Holiday World recently announced a very very large water feature, easily eclipsing its Applause Hands fountain as the biggest non-passenger-carrying water feature in the park.
"We knew we needed a big attraction, but we didn't really want something that would carry passengers or, you know, function," said park president Will Koch. "For tall and non-functional engineering and construction, we knew there was only one company to turn to: Intamin. They've got a long and proud tradition of building enormous sculptures that don't actually run in the way you expect rides to operate, you know, with patrons or anything like that. So Pilgrims Plunge will join a long series of zero passengers-per-hour Intamin rides."
Holiday World issued a statement declaring that its decision was inspired by Six Flags's addition of the world's largest lawn ornament, Kingda Ka, at its New Jersey park. "That installation was so successful they were able to remove their other decoration, Batman & Robin: The Chiller. We're hoping that Pilgrims Plunge will sit, untouched by patrons actually riding, for many years, providing a great photo background."
--GP
Thursday, August 14, 2008
McCain "Very Impressed" by New "Up-Stop Wheel Technology"
U.S. Senator John McCain, republican nominee for president, sought today to demonstrate his interest in cutting-edge technology by visiting the Coney Island Cyclone in Brooklyn, New York, declaring himself "astonished" at the "space age engineering" involved.
"The brilliant engineers who saw the need for wheels on not just the top, but also the bottom, of the wheels, are to be commended!" declared McCain in an exclusive ARN&R interview that took place next to the waterboarding installation. "I love the Mauch Chunk Railway, don't get me wrong, but this here, with the up-stop wheels and the hills, this is the future! In a John McCain administration, the American people can rest assured that we will take a cue from the wondrous innovations and break all barriers!"
--GP
U.S. Senator John McCain, republican nominee for president, sought today to demonstrate his interest in cutting-edge technology by visiting the Coney Island Cyclone in Brooklyn, New York, declaring himself "astonished" at the "space age engineering" involved.
"The brilliant engineers who saw the need for wheels on not just the top, but also the bottom, of the wheels, are to be commended!" declared McCain in an exclusive ARN&R interview that took place next to the waterboarding installation. "I love the Mauch Chunk Railway, don't get me wrong, but this here, with the up-stop wheels and the hills, this is the future! In a John McCain administration, the American people can rest assured that we will take a cue from the wondrous innovations and break all barriers!"
--GP
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