Coaster Preservation Club Great Success; Dozens of Rides Donated
Executives from each of the major amusement park chains and at least a dozen indpendent park operators gathered today in an energetic press conference to throw their support behind the Coaster Preservation Club. Each chain stated that it would donate "starter funds" of $5 million and at least two major functional coasters to go towards the CPC's planned parks in North Carolina, or, perhaps, Indiana.
When we first read the press release announcing the club's beginnings, we knew we wanted to be a part of it," said Gary Story, Six Flags COO. "When we read the club's articulate positioning -- 'Has [sic] we all know parks close and rides are left Standing But not Operating (SBNO), because the park don't [sic] care the rides don't get matained [sic] and end up getting torn down.' -- and heard about their plans for a "small amusement park that will located in North Carolina," we just had to donate Shockwave, Flashback, and essentially every other nonoperational coaster we have in our possession. We're also thinking about just shutting down Six Flags Over Texas so we could donate more."
Paramount Parks agreed, with a spokesman stating that it would donate King Kobra and a year-round maintenance staff, along with free licensing of every trademark it owns. "We just love the idea of a park in Indiana, open year round -- except when it's below freezing, when a behind-the-scenes tour will be offered. It's brilliant! And the fact that it's evidently put together by two fourteen-year-olds just makes it all the more appealing -- it's like Hanson!"
The Paramount and Six Flags representatives then briefly scuffled in a disagreement about whether the park would be in North Carolina or Indiana, but eventually concluded that, although the CBC's website never clearly identifies which location is the goal, the brilliant minds behind CBC must intend to have two parks, given the obvious genius of the plan.
A representative from Universal said the detailed plan set forth was what convinced her company to donate an entire island from Islands of Adventure. "How can you refute the logic of this plan? '1.)Gain support for the Coaster Preservation Club. 2.)Get rides, money from sponsors and donations, and 200 arces [sic] of land. 3.)Start construction and relocate rides. 4.)Open the park.' It's pure unadulterated genius! Plus, the front-page pleading for adult members shows a strategic mind at work."
Story, from Six Flags, pushed his way back to the podium, and praised the great legal strategy laid out by one 'ThunderFun,' evidently the CBC's Grand Poobah: "The List is the list of parks that have violated the CPO's coaster abuse laws. The law is that a rollercoaster cannot remain standing but not operating for more than three months, A rollercoaster that is in storage must be sold off withnin a year's time. If this law is broken, that park(s) will be sue by the CPO,if the that ride is not handed over. Parks in violation are: Six Flags Marine World, Six Flags Magic Mountain, Six Flags America, Paramount's Kings Island, and Camden Park."
"We love to help groups that threaten to sue us based on a law they've almost literally pulled out of their collective ass. In fact, we'll file suit against ourselves!" exclaimed Story. "And we'll donate land in Indiana. Or North Carolina. Whatever."
The press conference then degenerated into chaos as each park chain representative sought to get to the microphone to declare additional contributions to the CBC, and, after a lengthy brawl, the event was declared over.
The CBC's seven members, with an average age of 14 and not one over 15, could not be reached for comment as they were all held after school in detention. In a written announcement, however, they stated that they would be next looking into the Coney Island Thunderbolt, the Idora Wildcat, every coaster ever at Riverside Park in Chicago, and, oddly, a ten-foot Dragon Coaster that once operated at the North Dakota State Fair.
Thursday, June 05, 2003
Wednesday, June 04, 2003
Do Good
According to Holiday World, the family of Tamar Fellner (the enthusiast who died at Holiday World on Saturday) has requested that memorial contributions in Tamar’s honor be sent to either of the following:
Temple Beth Shalom
227 E. Mt. Pleasant Ave.
Livingston, NJ 07039
Sexual Assault & Violence Institute Program
Mt. Sinai Hospital NYU Health
Box 1670
1 Gustav L. Levy Place
New York, NY 10029
According to Holiday World, the family of Tamar Fellner (the enthusiast who died at Holiday World on Saturday) has requested that memorial contributions in Tamar’s honor be sent to either of the following:
Temple Beth Shalom
227 E. Mt. Pleasant Ave.
Livingston, NJ 07039
Sexual Assault & Violence Institute Program
Mt. Sinai Hospital NYU Health
Box 1670
1 Gustav L. Levy Place
New York, NY 10029
Stratosphere Announces Eighteen New Rides, Foghorns, Massive Fingers-on-Chalkboard Attraction, Constant Outdoor Linkin Park Concerts
In a dramatic announcement yesterday, Las Vegas's Stratosphere Casino Hotel and Tower introduced eighteen new massive rides to be attached to its enormous tower. It also plans to install twenty enormous outdoor round-the-clock foghorns, a massive outdoor chalkboard with hundreds of fingernails constantly running across it, and a new outdoor stage being built for the newly-booked three-year-run by Linkin Park, with shows starting as early as 5 a.m. and running until 2 a.m. most nights.
"These attractions -- which will generate an average of 120 decibels of sound, peaking at 150 -- will really bring some excitement to this part of the Strip," said spokeswoman Rebecca Bergen. "Plus, we really like screwing with our neighbors. A lot. Their faces get all red and sometimes their incontinence gets a little out of control. That's awesome."
Enthusiast sites were strongly in favor of the attractions, with dozens of forum participants calling complaining neighbors "sensitive wussies" who "don't know the advantages of living next to a great place like that."
In a dramatic announcement yesterday, Las Vegas's Stratosphere Casino Hotel and Tower introduced eighteen new massive rides to be attached to its enormous tower. It also plans to install twenty enormous outdoor round-the-clock foghorns, a massive outdoor chalkboard with hundreds of fingernails constantly running across it, and a new outdoor stage being built for the newly-booked three-year-run by Linkin Park, with shows starting as early as 5 a.m. and running until 2 a.m. most nights.
"These attractions -- which will generate an average of 120 decibels of sound, peaking at 150 -- will really bring some excitement to this part of the Strip," said spokeswoman Rebecca Bergen. "Plus, we really like screwing with our neighbors. A lot. Their faces get all red and sometimes their incontinence gets a little out of control. That's awesome."
Enthusiast sites were strongly in favor of the attractions, with dozens of forum participants calling complaining neighbors "sensitive wussies" who "don't know the advantages of living next to a great place like that."
Friday, May 30, 2003
Breaking News: Coasterbuzz Member Patiently Awaits Hot Date
We at ARN&R are pleased to announce the blossoming of young love on the internet, specifically at Coasterbuzz (where else?). A presumably young enthusiast named Alexander took the unusual step this week of asking, on an open forum, a girl enthusiast's mother to put the two of them in touch online. Snickering this pronounced and snorty has seldom graced the hallowed marble hallways of either the American Coaster Enthusiasts World Headquarters or the AbsolutelyReliable Mansion.
Alexander’s desperate and slightly stalkerish behavior was put into motion by this week's presentation of the new Discovery reality show Thrill Rides: Put to the Test. The presumably (and hopefully) young enthusiast developed a not-entirely-unexpected crush on the blonde, cursing teenager from Ohio. To his breathless and unexpected delight, Alexander, then discovered that both the girl’s mother and her riding partner from the show are regular Coasterbuzz forum participants.
A spectacular and brilliant plan formed in his mind. He would boldly scam on the pretty young lass by posting a helpful message to her mother at Coasterbuzz, the first choice of suave Don Juans across the world.
"[H]ave your daughter e-mail me sometime," he helpfully suggested. "Im [sic] a teen Ohio coaster nut too. My address is in my profile."
The young fellow elsewhere brags of the fact that he posted over a thousand messages on the Thrillride! forums (which he oddly, and fictionally, identifies as operating as far back as 1998) -- an attractive feature to any girl, no doubt.
"This is a most unusual method of obtaining a date," said noted sex therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer. "In all my dozens of years, I have never before seen someone so desperate and freakish as to attempt to hit on a young lady in this fashion. The awesome desperation and utter disregard for humiliation it takes to see a young lady on TV, never meet her, and then send a poorly edited post on a substantially-read open forum, requesting the girl’s mother pass along his sexy stats...what a dork."
The girl from the show was unavailable for comment on the touching romantic display from her stalker, but ARN&R presumes most of it would have been unprintable anyway.
--JCK
Ed. Note: The subject of this story informed ARN&R that we (along with every single CoasterBuzz reader of his posting) had misinterpreted his intentions. He states that his intention was to invite the Ohio teenager to an event at Cedar Point. He also noted that he has a girlfriend whom he adores.
We at ARN&R are pleased to announce the blossoming of young love on the internet, specifically at Coasterbuzz (where else?). A presumably young enthusiast named Alexander took the unusual step this week of asking, on an open forum, a girl enthusiast's mother to put the two of them in touch online. Snickering this pronounced and snorty has seldom graced the hallowed marble hallways of either the American Coaster Enthusiasts World Headquarters or the AbsolutelyReliable Mansion.
Alexander’s desperate and slightly stalkerish behavior was put into motion by this week's presentation of the new Discovery reality show Thrill Rides: Put to the Test. The presumably (and hopefully) young enthusiast developed a not-entirely-unexpected crush on the blonde, cursing teenager from Ohio. To his breathless and unexpected delight, Alexander, then discovered that both the girl’s mother and her riding partner from the show are regular Coasterbuzz forum participants.
A spectacular and brilliant plan formed in his mind. He would boldly scam on the pretty young lass by posting a helpful message to her mother at Coasterbuzz, the first choice of suave Don Juans across the world.
"[H]ave your daughter e-mail me sometime," he helpfully suggested. "Im [sic] a teen Ohio coaster nut too. My address is in my profile."
The young fellow elsewhere brags of the fact that he posted over a thousand messages on the Thrillride! forums (which he oddly, and fictionally, identifies as operating as far back as 1998) -- an attractive feature to any girl, no doubt.
"This is a most unusual method of obtaining a date," said noted sex therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer. "In all my dozens of years, I have never before seen someone so desperate and freakish as to attempt to hit on a young lady in this fashion. The awesome desperation and utter disregard for humiliation it takes to see a young lady on TV, never meet her, and then send a poorly edited post on a substantially-read open forum, requesting the girl’s mother pass along his sexy stats...what a dork."
The girl from the show was unavailable for comment on the touching romantic display from her stalker, but ARN&R presumes most of it would have been unprintable anyway.
--JCK
Ed. Note: The subject of this story informed ARN&R that we (along with every single CoasterBuzz reader of his posting) had misinterpreted his intentions. He states that his intention was to invite the Ohio teenager to an event at Cedar Point. He also noted that he has a girlfriend whom he adores.
Ticked Off Enthusiast Misled By Movie
This past weekend, coaster enthusiast Anthony Montana got really ticked off, according to witnesses. Apparently, the self-described "coaster master" felt betrayed and confused by the recent movie A Mighty Wind.
Montana's confusion apparently stemmed from a scene in the movie that showed a huge roller coaster called Whiplash, supposedly located at an amusement park in Tallahassee, Florida. Montana's best friend, Manny Rodriguez, laughed as he related to ARN&R how excited Montana was to fly to the Florida state capitol on short notice and at great expense, just so he could be one of the first riders to experience the majestic splendor of Whiplash. "I kept telling that dumbass that there is no park in Tallahassee, and that the coaster in the film looked like it was Six Flags Magic Mountain’s Deja Vu with a new name plastered on it, but he wasn’t listening. What a moron."
Upon arriving at the gloriously huge and modern Tallahassee airport, Montana encountered great difficulty in getting someone to show him how to get to the amusement park in town. "Everybody kept claiming there wasn’t one, or told me I was stupid. Why wouldn’t the people in this town be aware of a big new ride like Whiplash right in their backyard? It's a wonder the stupid place stays open, with fools like this living around here." After unsuccessfully searching for the coaster for two full days, Montana took in all the sights of 'Hassee, which basically consist of a nice restaurant called Cool Beans, a state capitol that looks like giant male genitals, loads of dirt, some rednecks, and plenty of drunk frat boy date rapists.
Leaving the city without ever having ridden Whiplash, Montana sneered out the window of his plane and gave the city of Tallahassee the middle finger while yelling out: "Say 'ello to my little friend!"
--JCK
This past weekend, coaster enthusiast Anthony Montana got really ticked off, according to witnesses. Apparently, the self-described "coaster master" felt betrayed and confused by the recent movie A Mighty Wind.
Montana's confusion apparently stemmed from a scene in the movie that showed a huge roller coaster called Whiplash, supposedly located at an amusement park in Tallahassee, Florida. Montana's best friend, Manny Rodriguez, laughed as he related to ARN&R how excited Montana was to fly to the Florida state capitol on short notice and at great expense, just so he could be one of the first riders to experience the majestic splendor of Whiplash. "I kept telling that dumbass that there is no park in Tallahassee, and that the coaster in the film looked like it was Six Flags Magic Mountain’s Deja Vu with a new name plastered on it, but he wasn’t listening. What a moron."
Upon arriving at the gloriously huge and modern Tallahassee airport, Montana encountered great difficulty in getting someone to show him how to get to the amusement park in town. "Everybody kept claiming there wasn’t one, or told me I was stupid. Why wouldn’t the people in this town be aware of a big new ride like Whiplash right in their backyard? It's a wonder the stupid place stays open, with fools like this living around here." After unsuccessfully searching for the coaster for two full days, Montana took in all the sights of 'Hassee, which basically consist of a nice restaurant called Cool Beans, a state capitol that looks like giant male genitals, loads of dirt, some rednecks, and plenty of drunk frat boy date rapists.
Leaving the city without ever having ridden Whiplash, Montana sneered out the window of his plane and gave the city of Tallahassee the middle finger while yelling out: "Say 'ello to my little friend!"
--JCK
Wednesday, May 28, 2003
TTD Developments: Cable, Supports, Track, Train, Train Accoutrements, Station Break
Guide to the Point and CoasterBuzz Experts: "Just Breaking in the New Ride"
On-the-spot witnesses confirm, in an ARN&R exclusive, that Cedar Point's new "stratacoaster" Top Thrill Dragster has had a number of mishaps. Specifically, the cable, supports, track, train, train accoutrements, and the station have all broken, most of them catastrophically.
However, engineering experts at websites Guide to the Point and CoasterBuzz have all categorically stated that the cable snapping, the supports collapsing, the track flying off across the midway, one train shooting off into a nearby show (seriously injuring "actors"), flying tires decaptiating passersby, and the entire station collapsing under 5 miles-per-hour winds are all "just your ordinary early days of a coaster" and "nothing to be concerned about."
"I can't believe how the media has overblown these so-called problems, and I'm far from a CP FanBoy," wrote MeanStrkRulz, known as an engineering expert based on years of experience with Tinker-Toys. "Things go wrong, and how could you expect the Intamin geniuses to anticipate every little problem? Gotta go -- Mom needs the computer!"
"I concur," wrote noted coaster design expert and tenth grader RaptorRulesMySky. "Occasionally in the early days of a coaster every possible component of the ride will cease to work, often resulting in serious injury or death. You can't blame Intamin or Cedar Point -- for example, take the supposed 'incident' involving the station. How could they have known to build the station to withstand gale-force winds of four or even five miles per hour? The park is on Lake Erie! Who would expect wind?"
Inside sources tell ARN&R that TTD will be up and running again soon, and that Cedar Point expects to reduce the life-threatening incidents to no more often than once weekly by the end of the season.
Guide to the Point and CoasterBuzz Experts: "Just Breaking in the New Ride"
On-the-spot witnesses confirm, in an ARN&R exclusive, that Cedar Point's new "stratacoaster" Top Thrill Dragster has had a number of mishaps. Specifically, the cable, supports, track, train, train accoutrements, and the station have all broken, most of them catastrophically.
However, engineering experts at websites Guide to the Point and CoasterBuzz have all categorically stated that the cable snapping, the supports collapsing, the track flying off across the midway, one train shooting off into a nearby show (seriously injuring "actors"), flying tires decaptiating passersby, and the entire station collapsing under 5 miles-per-hour winds are all "just your ordinary early days of a coaster" and "nothing to be concerned about."
"I can't believe how the media has overblown these so-called problems, and I'm far from a CP FanBoy," wrote MeanStrkRulz, known as an engineering expert based on years of experience with Tinker-Toys. "Things go wrong, and how could you expect the Intamin geniuses to anticipate every little problem? Gotta go -- Mom needs the computer!"
"I concur," wrote noted coaster design expert and tenth grader RaptorRulesMySky. "Occasionally in the early days of a coaster every possible component of the ride will cease to work, often resulting in serious injury or death. You can't blame Intamin or Cedar Point -- for example, take the supposed 'incident' involving the station. How could they have known to build the station to withstand gale-force winds of four or even five miles per hour? The park is on Lake Erie! Who would expect wind?"
Inside sources tell ARN&R that TTD will be up and running again soon, and that Cedar Point expects to reduce the life-threatening incidents to no more often than once weekly by the end of the season.
Tuesday, May 27, 2003
New Contributors
We at ARN&R are pleased to announce that the entire P.R. staff of Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom has joined the writing staff. As their collective first contribution, we provide you with the following press release, which we swear is exactly as it was distributed.
Greezed Lightnin' Opens to Rave Reviews at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom
Friday April 25, 7:00 am ET
LOUISVILLE, KY--(INTERNET WIRE)--Apr 25, 2003 -- Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom's eighth roller coaster, Greezed Lightnin', is now open to the public and electrifying ecstatic thrill seekers!
Greezed Lightnin' leaves riders breathless, blasting out of the coaster station like a bolt of lightning, rocketing from zero to 60 miles per hour in less than six seconds. There's no time to scream before zooming through the 76-foot-tall vertical loop, and soaring up the 142-foot incline. Just as passengers begin to relax and think the ride is over, the coaster plunges backward down the incline and back through the 360-degree loop again -- in 35 seconds flat. The coaster's exhilarating streak continues as the train coasts up the tail of the ride and glides safely back into the station.
Greezed Lightnin' is the first roller coaster of its kind in this region. The coaster's unique catapult mechanism propels riders from zero to 60 m.p.h. in seconds, similar to the catapult action utilized on aircraft carriers.
"The awesome power and speed of Greezed Lightnin' is captivating even the most seasoned thrill seekers, providing them with an exhilarating, and surprising experience," said Lee Graham, Vice-President and General Manager of Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom. "There's nothing else like it!"
Greezed Lightnin' is a steel "shuttle loop" coaster that stands at 142 feet tall, and spans 583 feet on the ground. The coaster has one 49-foot-long train, which consists of seven cars each holding four persons, for a total of 28 passengers per ride.
Members of American Coaster Enthusiasts (ACE) are cheering the opening of the newest coaster at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom. "Being blasted out of the coaster station, then going forwards and backwards through the loop make Greezed Lightnin' a truly remarkable ride," says Scott Holmes, an ACE member. "With just a lap restraint holding the rider safely in place, there is nothing to interfere with the view or the wind rushing through your hair!"
Greezed Lightnin' is located on the front side of the park, near the Tin Lizzies antique cars and Road Runner Express roller coaster featuring classic Looney Tunes Characters Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner.
Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom is currently open on weekends, and will open for daily operations on Saturday, May 24th.
For more information on Greezed Lightnin' or on Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom, call (800) SCREAMS, or visit www.sixflags.com. For media information, contact the Public Relations Department at (502) 814-4511.
Six Flags, Inc. is the world's largest regional theme park company. Through its subsidiaries, it owns and operates a total of 39 parks in North America and Europe. Six Flags parks serve 35 of the 50 largest metropolitan areas in the United States. Six Flags, Inc. is a publicly held corporation with corporate offices in New York City and Oklahoma City. The Company's stock trades on the NYSE under the symbol: (NYSE:PKS - News).
SIX FLAGS and all related indicia are trademarks of Six Flags Theme Parks Inc. ®, ™ and © 2003.
LOONEY TUNES, characters, names and all related indicia are trademarks of and © Warner Bros.
Contact:
Company: Six Flags, Inc.
Title: Public Relations Department
Voice: 502-814-4511
URL: http://www.sixflags.com
Ed. Note: If you know any of SFKK's Public Relations Department, please -- please -- provide them with kudos for this brilliant piece of satire. We'd love to hear from them and fully credit this hilarious parody. Lee Graham: a brilliant move saying that there's "nothing else like it" -- your ability to pull off lines like that without laughter is why we love you! And Scott Holmes -- you've got a future in improvisational comedy!
We at ARN&R are pleased to announce that the entire P.R. staff of Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom has joined the writing staff. As their collective first contribution, we provide you with the following press release, which we swear is exactly as it was distributed.
Greezed Lightnin' Opens to Rave Reviews at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom
Friday April 25, 7:00 am ET
LOUISVILLE, KY--(INTERNET WIRE)--Apr 25, 2003 -- Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom's eighth roller coaster, Greezed Lightnin', is now open to the public and electrifying ecstatic thrill seekers!
Greezed Lightnin' leaves riders breathless, blasting out of the coaster station like a bolt of lightning, rocketing from zero to 60 miles per hour in less than six seconds. There's no time to scream before zooming through the 76-foot-tall vertical loop, and soaring up the 142-foot incline. Just as passengers begin to relax and think the ride is over, the coaster plunges backward down the incline and back through the 360-degree loop again -- in 35 seconds flat. The coaster's exhilarating streak continues as the train coasts up the tail of the ride and glides safely back into the station.
Greezed Lightnin' is the first roller coaster of its kind in this region. The coaster's unique catapult mechanism propels riders from zero to 60 m.p.h. in seconds, similar to the catapult action utilized on aircraft carriers.
"The awesome power and speed of Greezed Lightnin' is captivating even the most seasoned thrill seekers, providing them with an exhilarating, and surprising experience," said Lee Graham, Vice-President and General Manager of Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom. "There's nothing else like it!"
Greezed Lightnin' is a steel "shuttle loop" coaster that stands at 142 feet tall, and spans 583 feet on the ground. The coaster has one 49-foot-long train, which consists of seven cars each holding four persons, for a total of 28 passengers per ride.
Members of American Coaster Enthusiasts (ACE) are cheering the opening of the newest coaster at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom. "Being blasted out of the coaster station, then going forwards and backwards through the loop make Greezed Lightnin' a truly remarkable ride," says Scott Holmes, an ACE member. "With just a lap restraint holding the rider safely in place, there is nothing to interfere with the view or the wind rushing through your hair!"
Greezed Lightnin' is located on the front side of the park, near the Tin Lizzies antique cars and Road Runner Express roller coaster featuring classic Looney Tunes Characters Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner.
Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom is currently open on weekends, and will open for daily operations on Saturday, May 24th.
For more information on Greezed Lightnin' or on Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom, call (800) SCREAMS, or visit www.sixflags.com. For media information, contact the Public Relations Department at (502) 814-4511.
Six Flags, Inc. is the world's largest regional theme park company. Through its subsidiaries, it owns and operates a total of 39 parks in North America and Europe. Six Flags parks serve 35 of the 50 largest metropolitan areas in the United States. Six Flags, Inc. is a publicly held corporation with corporate offices in New York City and Oklahoma City. The Company's stock trades on the NYSE under the symbol: (NYSE:PKS - News).
SIX FLAGS and all related indicia are trademarks of Six Flags Theme Parks Inc. ®, ™ and © 2003.
LOONEY TUNES, characters, names and all related indicia are trademarks of and © Warner Bros.
Contact:
Company: Six Flags, Inc.
Title: Public Relations Department
Voice: 502-814-4511
URL: http://www.sixflags.com
Ed. Note: If you know any of SFKK's Public Relations Department, please -- please -- provide them with kudos for this brilliant piece of satire. We'd love to hear from them and fully credit this hilarious parody. Lee Graham: a brilliant move saying that there's "nothing else like it" -- your ability to pull off lines like that without laughter is why we love you! And Scott Holmes -- you've got a future in improvisational comedy!
Saturday, May 24, 2003
Coaster Zombies to Protest End-of-Ride Brakes on SFA's Roar
In a move surprising for its level of physical activity required, eastern seaboard-based enthusiast group the Coaster Zombies announced today that they would undertake civil disobedience targeting the final brake run on Six Flags America's Roar coaster, a 1998 Great Coasters International installation that has generally received solid reviews.
"Getting upset about mid-ride brake runs is setting our sights way too low," said club member Josh Razmy. "The brakes at the end of the ride mess up the ride's rhythm just as much as those mid-course brake runs, and they must be stopped."
Upon Razmy having it pointed out that the train would simply race through the station without stopping if the brakes were disabled, never allowing riders off or on, he was ready with an answer. "If these parks and designers really knew what they were doing, they wouldn't need the brake runs at the end of the rides -- the coaster would just glide to a stop in perfect position. We think Roar is a great place to start with our campaign against all brakes."
"Or we could have manual brakes -- ropes that the riders could grab on to to stop when they all collectively felt it was time to stop. It'd be way more organic that way, and the riders would have a great communal experience, too."
The club is expected to chain itself to the coaster's gates until the brakes are turned off or the buffet is opened, whichever comes first.
In a move surprising for its level of physical activity required, eastern seaboard-based enthusiast group the Coaster Zombies announced today that they would undertake civil disobedience targeting the final brake run on Six Flags America's Roar coaster, a 1998 Great Coasters International installation that has generally received solid reviews.
"Getting upset about mid-ride brake runs is setting our sights way too low," said club member Josh Razmy. "The brakes at the end of the ride mess up the ride's rhythm just as much as those mid-course brake runs, and they must be stopped."
Upon Razmy having it pointed out that the train would simply race through the station without stopping if the brakes were disabled, never allowing riders off or on, he was ready with an answer. "If these parks and designers really knew what they were doing, they wouldn't need the brake runs at the end of the rides -- the coaster would just glide to a stop in perfect position. We think Roar is a great place to start with our campaign against all brakes."
"Or we could have manual brakes -- ropes that the riders could grab on to to stop when they all collectively felt it was time to stop. It'd be way more organic that way, and the riders would have a great communal experience, too."
The club is expected to chain itself to the coaster's gates until the brakes are turned off or the buffet is opened, whichever comes first.
Friday, May 23, 2003
Universal Announces New "Mommy" Ride
Universal Hollywood and Universal Orlando announced they will have guests screaming for their Mommies when they debut "Mommy Dearest: The Ultimate Revenge," yet another new generation coaster-based interactive adventure, to parkgoers in spring 2004.
"The specs for this attraction are phenomenal!" claims Bobby Ditchelldorf, webmaster of UniversalOrlandoMatic.com, a rumor site dedicated to Universal Orlando. "There have been plans posted graffiti-style in the men's room outside Marvel Super Hero Island for the past three years, and it's gonna rule!"
According to the hastily drawn design plans, a larger-than-life version of Faye Dunaway jumps onto the riders' car and the car then shoots out of the station backwards in a vain attempt at escape, where a venerable horde of Animatronic Mommies swarm the car and tear some of the riders apart. This is followed by a ceiling of wire hangers just inches from riders' heads and a screeching voice exclaiming, "No wire hangers! No wire hangers!" and "Scrub Christina, scrub!"
"If all goes well," stated executive Mommy designer Stan Checketts, "With all the technical difficulties associated with a ride of this caliber, we should have waiting lines reaching into the next century."
--RAS
Universal Hollywood and Universal Orlando announced they will have guests screaming for their Mommies when they debut "Mommy Dearest: The Ultimate Revenge," yet another new generation coaster-based interactive adventure, to parkgoers in spring 2004.
"The specs for this attraction are phenomenal!" claims Bobby Ditchelldorf, webmaster of UniversalOrlandoMatic.com, a rumor site dedicated to Universal Orlando. "There have been plans posted graffiti-style in the men's room outside Marvel Super Hero Island for the past three years, and it's gonna rule!"
According to the hastily drawn design plans, a larger-than-life version of Faye Dunaway jumps onto the riders' car and the car then shoots out of the station backwards in a vain attempt at escape, where a venerable horde of Animatronic Mommies swarm the car and tear some of the riders apart. This is followed by a ceiling of wire hangers just inches from riders' heads and a screeching voice exclaiming, "No wire hangers! No wire hangers!" and "Scrub Christina, scrub!"
"If all goes well," stated executive Mommy designer Stan Checketts, "With all the technical difficulties associated with a ride of this caliber, we should have waiting lines reaching into the next century."
--RAS
Tuesday, May 20, 2003
IAAPA Response to Ankle, Arm, Torso, Neck, Finger, Toe, Ear and Eye Injuries: "G-Forces Don't Cause Brain Injuries"
The International Association of Amusement Parks and Attractions ("IAAPA") forcefully responded today to reports that virtually every injury reported by amusement park guests involves the guests' ankle, arm, torso, neck, finger, toe, ear, or eye by referring reporters to what it described as a "meticulously performed study by leading researchers into brain injuries resulting from gravitational forces." According to IAAPA, the report concludes that strong G forces do not cause brain injuries in numbers significantly greater than ordinary activities.
"To those people who say that amusement park rides can injure riders' ankles, arms, torsos, necks, fingers, toes, ears, or eyes, I have just one thing to tell you: The g-forces experienced on amusement park rides do not cause brain injuries," declared IAAPA president Clark Robinson. "And for those who note that inadequate restraints, operator error, or unclear instructions cause many of those injuries, I have just one thing to tell you: The g-forces experienced on amusement park rides do not cause brain injuries," he concluded.
Six Flags COO Gary Story concurred. "While some may believe that our valued guests' ankles, arms, torsos, necks, fingers, toes, ears, and eyes are at risk when they visit our parks, I would like to refer you to the American Association of Neurological Surgeons report that concluded that g-forces pose no threat to their brains. I would also like to note that Dr. Rhea Seddon, a former astronaut and mother of four, has agreed that g-forces pose no threat of brain injuries. You're at no greater risk of brain injury riding a coaster than sneezing!"
When asked if either IAAPA or Six Flags would be commissioning studies of injuries to ankles, arms, torsos, necks, fingers, toes, ears, or eyes, or studies of restraints, operator training, or the clarity of instructions, Story and Robinson both noted that "the g-forces experienced on amusement park rides do not cause brain injuries."
The International Association of Amusement Parks and Attractions ("IAAPA") forcefully responded today to reports that virtually every injury reported by amusement park guests involves the guests' ankle, arm, torso, neck, finger, toe, ear, or eye by referring reporters to what it described as a "meticulously performed study by leading researchers into brain injuries resulting from gravitational forces." According to IAAPA, the report concludes that strong G forces do not cause brain injuries in numbers significantly greater than ordinary activities.
"To those people who say that amusement park rides can injure riders' ankles, arms, torsos, necks, fingers, toes, ears, or eyes, I have just one thing to tell you: The g-forces experienced on amusement park rides do not cause brain injuries," declared IAAPA president Clark Robinson. "And for those who note that inadequate restraints, operator error, or unclear instructions cause many of those injuries, I have just one thing to tell you: The g-forces experienced on amusement park rides do not cause brain injuries," he concluded.
Six Flags COO Gary Story concurred. "While some may believe that our valued guests' ankles, arms, torsos, necks, fingers, toes, ears, and eyes are at risk when they visit our parks, I would like to refer you to the American Association of Neurological Surgeons report that concluded that g-forces pose no threat to their brains. I would also like to note that Dr. Rhea Seddon, a former astronaut and mother of four, has agreed that g-forces pose no threat of brain injuries. You're at no greater risk of brain injury riding a coaster than sneezing!"
When asked if either IAAPA or Six Flags would be commissioning studies of injuries to ankles, arms, torsos, necks, fingers, toes, ears, or eyes, or studies of restraints, operator training, or the clarity of instructions, Story and Robinson both noted that "the g-forces experienced on amusement park rides do not cause brain injuries."
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)