Holy Land Experience Theme Park to Add Thrill Rides
In an effort to draw younger guests into its throng, The Holy Land Experience Theme Park in Orlando, Florida announced it would be adding three major thrill rides to its lineup. "It's been 2,000 years since the world has seen anything like this!" exclaimed Marvin J. Rosenthal, president of The Holy Land Experience. "Precisely 2,003 years, actually. Or maybe 1,973 years. Anyway, these new attractions are only the beginning."
The first attraction, developed by Premier based on its water coaster technology, set to open next month, is "Termagant Baptismal Plunge!' Riders will board early 1st century sailing yachts and traverse the Nile River where they will be tormented by pagan rituals and sacrificial demons. The yachts will then enter a Great Pyramid and be "lifted to God" before plunging down a 150-foot holy-waterfall into a Baptismal pool.
The second attraction to open sometime this fall, is the "Cruci-Friction!' Guests are strapped securely into restraining devises and shot to the top of a 250 foot crucifix and hung there for a full 30 seconds to witness what Jesus witnessed in His final moments, before plummeting at speeds up to 70 miles per hour back to Earth.
The final attraction to appear sometime in early 2004, is "TTD: Top Thrill Dogma, the Highest Coaster on God's Green Earth!' "What we wanted here," stated Rosenthal, "was an attraction that would take our guests as close to Heaven as conceivably possible." Designed by S&S Power from the original plans for the Tower of Babel, TTD will shuttle riders 150 miles per hour around the twisting Biblical structure literally into the stratosphere; 13,000 feet into the air! "It will be guaranteed to take your breath away!"
"The Holy Land Experience has been totally dependent on God for His provision and direction. But we're also grateful to the Orlando Visitors' Bureau."