Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Six Flags New England Challenges Agawam Postal Workers To Softball Game

In a recent gesture of workplace bonding and camaraderie, the Six Flags New England staff challenged the Agawam postal workers to a nine inning softball game. The game, which began on Sunday morning, lasted 17 hours and concluded in a draw upon both sides realizing they had not appointed anyone to keep score. Each team cited numerous reasons for the inability of the game to reach a swift conclusion.

"Well, first of all the Agawam Postal Workers were five hours late," reported Six Flags Ride Operations Manager Ted Gainey, "and that was fine, as all of us at Six Flags understand being a little late. Then, after the game got started, there were a few delays."

Some of the delays included:

* The Six Flags ride operators took approximately ten to fifteen minutes to walk from batters area to home plate, often checking their bats while batting upwards of five times for no apparent reason while everyone waited for them to play.

* The switch from offense to defense would take up to one hour as each side demanded much-needed "ciggie breaks."

* Six Flags, in a cost saving gesture, insisted on using a single baseball for the entire game, forcing long delays after every home run and foul ball.

* Six Flags spent significant periods of time arguing that the field would be cost much less to maintain if the distances between the bases were reduced to approximately eight feet and baserunners were required to slow down dramatically any time they approached a sprint.

* The Agawam Postal Workers were often delayed on defense due to the players consistently losing their own gloves and various other equipment, causing them to either go to the store to buy new ones or stop play until they found them, often finding them in unlikely and absurd places.

Both team captains denied the charge that the reason for the length of the game was due to both teams' players being "lazy, incompetent bastards."


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