Thursday, September 30, 2004

10 Month-Old Consultant Impresses Six Flags Board

In his tapioca-stained Elmo underoos, Chance Dixon, Jr. could pass for any other toddler. But when he crawls into the Six Flags boardroom...things are a little different.

Dixon’s capital expenditure choices continue to create waves. Widely credited for inspiring Hurricane Harbor by drooling on a Great America brochure, he seems to top himself with every move.

“Kingda Ka was the perfect name for our latest coaster!” raved Kieran Burke, pausing to check the tape on his own adult-sized diaper. “And the family attractions BlaLaLaa, Pfffffffft and Uh-oh Poopy will be sure-fire smash hits as well.”

“Hell, we don’t even know what rides they’ll be yet,” he continued, spoon-scraping strained peas from his own lower lip back into his mouth. “But we’ll toss a few manufacturer’s catalogs in front of him and uh, let the oddly moist Cheerios fall where they may.”

“Ooh!” continued Burke after grunting heavily. “I made a solid one this time!”


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