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Six Flags To Sell Mr. Six

Saying that his various parts are worth more to shareholders than his promotional value for the chain, Six Flags Theme Parks announced today that it would begin an auctioning process to sell the organs and other parts of chain mascot Mr. Six.

"We've had a great run with Mr. Six," said Kieran Burke in a prepared statement. "We're very proud of our ability to simultaneously promote our parks and creep out a substantial percentage of the population over the last eighteen months. We are grateful to all of those who danced like, didn't turn off the TV during, or merely gazed with an annoyed look at Mr. Six, and we're hopeful that his parts will improve the health of at least two Americans. Or Chinese. I hear there's a better market for human organs there."

Mr. Six is expected to continue in some role through the Halloween events at the various Six Flags parks, with his euthanization and organ harvesting taking place on the final day of Six Flags Magic Mountain's Frightfest in front of a crowd of thousands.