Wednesday, March 15, 2006

ACE Moves to New Online Host

Tired of its slightly stodgy, no-frills website, ACE (American Coaster Enthusiasts) has relocated to a new online provider. Although many have assumed that changes were in the works for the world's largest coaster enthusiast community, details for any projects involving ACE Online have been kept entirely under wraps.

Until now, that is. ACE officials today announced that the organization's website will undergo a massive renovation orchestrated by Christian Riese Lassen, the "premier marine artist of our time."

"It was time for a radical innovation in how we present our information to club members and to the public," said an ACE PR rep. "Right now, you just go there and read data. But wouldn't it be much more exciting to come to our site and, before reading that boring old coaster club information, you experience the wonder of an entry page with cheesy animations, wilderness sound effects, a picture of some ridiculous-looking blonde dude, and a voice whispering 'Lassssssssssssssssssennnnnnn.' Or, in our case, it can be a picture of the Executive Committee and the voice could go 'Coasssssssssssster Ennnnnnnnnnnttttthhhhussssssssiasts.' We're still working on the details, but it's the overall concept that's important."

The PR rep told us that Mr. Lassen would handle all aspects of designing the new ACE website. "He's so multi-talented he can handle everything," said the rep. "He can certainly create a unique visual look for the site; note how he has previously created stunning art encompassing everything from marine mammals to naked women to unique Lassen Vision creations where he actually paints himself into his own pieces. We can have him place any of these wondrous things into the appropriate coaster-related context when he designs our new site."

"Personally, I hope he'll paint himself writhing around on Top Thrill Dragster, with his beautiful blonde hair flowing in the wind behind him," added the blushing ACE representative.

"Additionally," the rep added, "we can have him do the music for ACE. For our money, it just doesn't get any better than when he turns his considerable talents to musical compositions such as 'Turn the Tide' and 'Cry a Tear.' And of course if we need to write some descriptive text that has loads of completely unneccesary italics, we know where to go."

The new, all-Flash, Lassen-inspired ACE website is expected to debut within the next month. The only section of the website that will be unaffected by the alterations will be the General Store page, which ACE officials tell us "is already setting the standard for professionalism in the entire industry, and needs no tinkering whatsoever."


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