Thursday, January 25, 2007

Coasterbuzz Poster Creates Exciting New Variety Of Performance Art

For years, the phrase “performance art” has had a less than positive connotation, conjuring up visions of bizarre collections of unrelated parts or eccentric performances in poorly-lit galleries. An assortment of Mego action figure parts slathered in mayonnaise and stacked in a litter box would be said to symbolize mankind’s contempt for nature, while a grown man wearing a Rainbow Brite mask might play a children’s ukulele for five hours as a way to convey his festering resentment toward his mother.

That stereotype is a thing of the past, thanks to one man.

Art critics the world over are gushing about a new form of performance art created by Coasterbuzz poster Jason Hammond. Echoing the movements called "Fluxus" and "Dada" this new form of art is dubbed “grammer” by its creator and is expressed solely through the written word, and throws conventional rules and conventions right out the proverbial window.

“I’m not the type to frequent websites about roller coasters. Frankly, I think most of those people are vapid twits,” said Charles DuMonche, director of the DuMonche Art Gallery in New York City. “But this is an incredible breakthrough. I’m prepared to go on record saying that this is the most important innovation in the art world in the past one hundred years.”

“One only has to go to the thread itself to witness this work of genius firsthand,” said Andru Applethorpe, senior writer for Artiste Monthly. “Its beauty is in its deception. At first read of his work, you believe he is nothing more than a mouth breathing simpleton who confuses the words 'your' and 'you’re,' and constantly misspells the word 'believe.' But then, your world is turned upside down by the end statement, where he adds, '<edited for grammer>.' Only then do you realize that what you just read was created under 'grammer' rules, and it is you who are the one who appears stupid. I was floored.”

“Predicted to become the new standard in written performance art within three years,” said the notoriously-succinct art review website known as Artbits.org. “Extra credit for intentional misspelling of word 'grammar.' Delicious irony.”

Jason Hammond, typical of most great visionaries, was unavailable for comment. ARN&R contacted Jeff Putz, webmaster of Coasterbuzz, in an attempt to confirm that Hammond is indeed a serious artist, and not just a dim-witted enthusiast with a shaky grasp on the English language.

“Don’t you go putting ideas in anybody’s head! Do you know how much I’ve invested in pop-up ads to sell 8x10s of this guy’s work?” Putz bellowed over the phone. “This is going to make me rich, do you hear me? Richer than Shapiro and Snyder combined!”

--CMV

18 comments:

  1. I know Jeff Putz personally, and I know he didn't say these things.

    AA

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous4:54 PM

    ^
    Anyone you know personally is capable of saying anything.

    Weekly

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous5:59 PM

    This is the article I was most mad about even though I said most of what I think in the article above this. I'll be saying more from now.

    Gandolf

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous7:53 PM

    ^
    I can hardly wait

    Weekly

    ReplyDelete
  5. This CMV persons sux more than the old guys. At least they could make a attempt a humor.

    Guess their climbing the Purple People Bridge now.

    Funky

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous10:14 PM

    That's what I think I don't think any of this is funny at all. I don't find it to be.

    Gandolf

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thats what Theme Park review will do to you.

    It's my firm belief that ARN&R are associated with them.

    BEWARE! It's all a evil scheme to brainwash you and control you.

    Funky

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous11:33 PM

    None of the articles on here right now make me that mad. Like I referenced above, there were several times I was angry enough to fight. Mainly the Astroworld articles and the Japan Trip stuff.

    T

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous4:34 PM

    What are all of you anti-ARN&R peeps doing here? I thought you hated this place? ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous9:13 PM

    ^
    Are you kidding? They spend their whole lives frequenting and thinking about what they "hate."
    I don't know how I feel about Arn&r opening the door and letting in every four-legged creature who wants to spout off. These guys are more than willing to oblige.

    Weekly

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous10:15 PM

    Yeah your so much better than all of us. So much better. So much better that none of us CARE what you think at all about all of the rest of us.

    Gandolf

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous1:35 AM

    I'm glad to be able to come on here and speak my peace. There are probably many that haven't heard my side of these so-called "jokes."

    Japan Tripper

    ReplyDelete
  13. Wow. You anti ARN&R people need lives. Seriously.

    You need to start drinking, or something.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous8:40 PM

    Be careful what you say there. Some of them write as if they've been drinking too much.

    Meg

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yeah but were not T totalers like you Meg.

    Funky

    ReplyDelete
  16. I would just like to drink in the beauty and loveliness that is Meg. For a little snot, she is so hot!

    Aaron

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous11:22 PM

    Aaron, she's mean. She's one of THEM.

    AA

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous11:10 PM

    You're right I'm one of them. Don't come near me or even think about me otherwise.

    Meg

    ReplyDelete