Six Flags Restricts Crack and Heroin to Designated Areas
In a bold and surprising move today, Six Flags, Inc. announced that, beginning with the 2004 park season, all of its properties would restrict the use of crack and heroin to designated areas only. Until this point, park patrons were officially banned from firing up the crack pipes and plunging needles into their arms while actually in line, but the rules have generally not been enforced by the five security guards employed by the entire chain.
“After receiving numerous guest complaints about the pathways being strewn with needles, drug dealers not having the courtesy to at least light up their rocks a reasonable distance from young children, whacked-out patrons using giant Six Flags Gift Shoppe Crack Bongs as bludgeoning devices, and a fog of burning crack pretty much blocking the view of anything more than six feet away, we have made the profound step of restricting drug usage at our amusement venues,” said Six Flags CEO Gary Story. “Beginning in 2004, crack and heroin may be used only within designated ‘Junkie Zones.’”
Story continued on to say that “Six Flags very much welcomes drug users and pushers to its parks, as it always has. We don’t wish to offend this valuable group of customers. However, our new policy will still allow these fine people to get high as a f**king kite, rather than getting those embarrassing withdrawal cramps and sweats, while families who do not approve of crack and heroin will not be exposed to it.”
When asked whether Six Flags was in any way influenced by the Holiday World decision to restrict smoking only to designated areas in its park next season, Story scoffed. Or he might have gagged on some phlegm. We didn’t ask. Anyway, he responded by saying, “Oh good grief, no. First of all, there’s no reason anyone should ever ban cigarettes. Why, everyone knows that the smooth, mellow flavor of an unfiltered Pall Mall coursing through your lungs helps improve digestion and circulation! We’ll naturally still allow smoking everywhere in our parks, particularly in the target eleven-year-olds-in-line demographic. And especially at Six Flags New England.
“And by the way, why would you think we’d copy anything about Holiday World? Lame failures that no one likes or enjoys, like Holiday World, Indiana Beach, and Knoebel’s, really should be taking our lead on how to do a park up right. Sheesh. Sorry, now I really have to go look at that mountain of complaint forms and see how many billions of dollars of debt we racked up today!”
--JCK
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
State Fair of Texas Cancels "Alternative" Sponsorship
After experimenting with Trojan condoms as the sponsor of Big Tex (renamed "Big Sex" for the fair) in 2003 the State Fair of Texas has opted not to renew the contract for next year. For this year's event Big Tex was given a 50-foot animatronic penis. "We thought that it would be a lark," said fair manager Keith Turner. "Everyone knows that unmarried people in Texas do not have premarital sex, so the idea of advertising condoms was just silly. Of course, it makes it hard to explain why our abstinence-only sex ed. program has Texas ranked 46 out of 50 states in terms of teen pregnancy rates."
Fair officials were worried that the large, throbbing member of Big Sex damaged its reputation. The animatronic cowboy's operator, Don Sales, was discouraged. "People were taking some pretty inappropriate pictures. I saw one woman pose in front of Tex and pretend that she was holding his" (here he coughed and blushed) "testicles. That's just not right," he lamented. He did note that the chocolate-covered banana concession stand located next to the statue did very well. "I heard they nearly doubled last year's take," said Sales.
Trojan C.F.O. Mark Davis was disappointed that the fair chose not to renew the Big Sex concept for 2004. "It was a blow to us," he said. "But, we understand that not everyone is comfortable seeing a 50-foot phallus winking at them from the midway. In addition, this created some conceptual problems since we wanted to market the female condom at next year's fair."
Rayleen Crawdson of Waco was one of the people offended by Big Tex's protruding peter. "I seen lots of rude things in my lifetime," Crawdson said as she spat chew on this ARN&R reporter, "but this really bothered me." She went on to say that as a good Christian woman God told her "what was appropriate," just like "the good Lord tells George Bush what countries are makin' bombs."
Other potential sponsors had hoped to cash in on the "sex fad" in Texas but are now reexamining their marketing options. "We wanted to make some sort of interactive display that would be housed next to the pottery workshop," said Vivid Video president Steve Simmons. "Now we are going to have to find a new place to house the 'Oral, Anal & Gangbang Interactive Fun Room.'"
Trojan's Davis has been talking to local strip clubs about moving his robot penis outside their venue. He said, "I don't understand it. There are titty bars [Ed. Note: that's the Texas vernacular for strip clubs] all over this town; they seem to run even with the churches. Yet, put the sex out in the open and everyone has a problem with it. I just hope that I can sell Big Tex's penis to the Burrowing Beaver or the Red Snapper."
They say everything is bigger in Texas. In this reporter's eyes it is a sad state of affairs that Big Tex will once again be hung like Ken.
-- FMB
After experimenting with Trojan condoms as the sponsor of Big Tex (renamed "Big Sex" for the fair) in 2003 the State Fair of Texas has opted not to renew the contract for next year. For this year's event Big Tex was given a 50-foot animatronic penis. "We thought that it would be a lark," said fair manager Keith Turner. "Everyone knows that unmarried people in Texas do not have premarital sex, so the idea of advertising condoms was just silly. Of course, it makes it hard to explain why our abstinence-only sex ed. program has Texas ranked 46 out of 50 states in terms of teen pregnancy rates."
Fair officials were worried that the large, throbbing member of Big Sex damaged its reputation. The animatronic cowboy's operator, Don Sales, was discouraged. "People were taking some pretty inappropriate pictures. I saw one woman pose in front of Tex and pretend that she was holding his" (here he coughed and blushed) "testicles. That's just not right," he lamented. He did note that the chocolate-covered banana concession stand located next to the statue did very well. "I heard they nearly doubled last year's take," said Sales.
Trojan C.F.O. Mark Davis was disappointed that the fair chose not to renew the Big Sex concept for 2004. "It was a blow to us," he said. "But, we understand that not everyone is comfortable seeing a 50-foot phallus winking at them from the midway. In addition, this created some conceptual problems since we wanted to market the female condom at next year's fair."
Rayleen Crawdson of Waco was one of the people offended by Big Tex's protruding peter. "I seen lots of rude things in my lifetime," Crawdson said as she spat chew on this ARN&R reporter, "but this really bothered me." She went on to say that as a good Christian woman God told her "what was appropriate," just like "the good Lord tells George Bush what countries are makin' bombs."
Other potential sponsors had hoped to cash in on the "sex fad" in Texas but are now reexamining their marketing options. "We wanted to make some sort of interactive display that would be housed next to the pottery workshop," said Vivid Video president Steve Simmons. "Now we are going to have to find a new place to house the 'Oral, Anal & Gangbang Interactive Fun Room.'"
Trojan's Davis has been talking to local strip clubs about moving his robot penis outside their venue. He said, "I don't understand it. There are titty bars [Ed. Note: that's the Texas vernacular for strip clubs] all over this town; they seem to run even with the churches. Yet, put the sex out in the open and everyone has a problem with it. I just hope that I can sell Big Tex's penis to the Burrowing Beaver or the Red Snapper."
They say everything is bigger in Texas. In this reporter's eyes it is a sad state of affairs that Big Tex will once again be hung like Ken.
-- FMB
Monday, October 27, 2003
Worst. Site. Ever.
We've been giving out our Site O' the Weak honors for a while now, and we haven't made any particular distinction in the level of hideousness between the awful monstrosities we've mocked. However, just because we never came up with an Extra-Special Super Platinum Business Class Ultra-Bling-Bling Site O' the Weak O' the Millennium doesn't mean we shouldn't have for this week's honoree.
Have a gander, if you dare, at the Road Trip Website, an internet destination so stultifyingly, mind-bogglingly wretched as to defy the English language to produce terms capable of describing its dreadfulness.
Okay, once you get to the front page, you'll locate a logo for EPCOT, then there's a picture of EPCOT that appears to be from an actual camera, then some other shot that's blatantly stolen from some Disney promotional materials. And then there's....um...hang on. Uh...well....ah yes. That's it. Yes, folks, the website actually has no content whatsoever. There's nothing else. Although we do applaud the Road Trip page for getting rid of their original front-page scheme, which consisted of exactly one gigantic image stolen lock, stock, and barrel from another coaster site...and nothing else.
--JCK
We've been giving out our Site O' the Weak honors for a while now, and we haven't made any particular distinction in the level of hideousness between the awful monstrosities we've mocked. However, just because we never came up with an Extra-Special Super Platinum Business Class Ultra-Bling-Bling Site O' the Weak O' the Millennium doesn't mean we shouldn't have for this week's honoree.
Have a gander, if you dare, at the Road Trip Website, an internet destination so stultifyingly, mind-bogglingly wretched as to defy the English language to produce terms capable of describing its dreadfulness.
Okay, once you get to the front page, you'll locate a logo for EPCOT, then there's a picture of EPCOT that appears to be from an actual camera, then some other shot that's blatantly stolen from some Disney promotional materials. And then there's....um...hang on. Uh...well....ah yes. That's it. Yes, folks, the website actually has no content whatsoever. There's nothing else. Although we do applaud the Road Trip page for getting rid of their original front-page scheme, which consisted of exactly one gigantic image stolen lock, stock, and barrel from another coaster site...and nothing else.
--JCK
Thursday, October 23, 2003
Put On Your Sunglasses
We got a little distracted there with the ACE fun, and so we forgot to do the Site O' the Weak on Monday. So here's one for the half-week, and it's really only half-lame. It's Lawrie's Carnival and Amusement Park Pages!
If you can manage to block your eyes from the design and color selection horror show, this is probably actually a pretty decent site, if you happen to be looking for information about Finland's amusement parks and carnivals. But...those colors! They burn! They burn!
In any event, thanks, Lawrie! We're glad to know you're a big boy! And we're only slightly creeped out by your interest in watching cheerleader competitions ("There may be literally hundreds of stunning looking girls in mini skirts performing just for you...")!
We got a little distracted there with the ACE fun, and so we forgot to do the Site O' the Weak on Monday. So here's one for the half-week, and it's really only half-lame. It's Lawrie's Carnival and Amusement Park Pages!
If you can manage to block your eyes from the design and color selection horror show, this is probably actually a pretty decent site, if you happen to be looking for information about Finland's amusement parks and carnivals. But...those colors! They burn! They burn!
In any event, thanks, Lawrie! We're glad to know you're a big boy! And we're only slightly creeped out by your interest in watching cheerleader competitions ("There may be literally hundreds of stunning looking girls in mini skirts performing just for you...")!
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
Six Flags CEO Comments on Financial Condition
Six Flags, Inc. (NYSE: PKS), recently held a press conference providing the financial community with its financial guidance on its likely future performance. ARN&R was, of course, there.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am proud to welcome each and every one one of you to the Six Flags 2003 Financial Guidance Press Conference,” began Chairman and CEO Kieran Burke. “It is with great pleasure that I begin with a review of our past performance.”
“In 2000, in our second full year of operations after Premier Parks acquired Six Flags our net income was a negative $75 million dollars. In 2001, we surpassed those results and lost $85 million dollars. In 2002, our best year yet, we lost an astounding $128 million dollars. The 3 year total of our losses is an impressive $288 million,” Burke concluded to rousing applause.
“Additionally, in 2002, my total compensation was $1.08 million. Our CFO James Dannhauser earned $649,000, and our COO Gary Story earned $727,000. This is a total of $2.025 million in compensation for our top 3 executives in fiscal 2002, and we're hoping to top even that this year. We're looking into some innovative ways to pay our park employees even less; right now, we're considering paying them in potatoes and other inexpensive food products."
“We are all aware that new rides and attractions are an important part of growing our business and eventually making money, to the exclusion of spending money on anything that might actually enhance our guests' visits like cleaning up the human excrement. We spent $334 million in 2000 for new rides and attractions, with $160 million in 2001 and $146 million in 2002 systemwide.”
“Our management team continues to cut operating budgets and raise prices for in-park purchases, admissions, and our favorite, parking fees. This we feel drastically reduces the pleasure of our guests due to closed rides, minimal capacity, severely reduced staffing, and the priceless feeling of being completely robbed. We're especially proud of that."
“Finally, our stock price hit $30 in 2000, $12 in 2001, and the all-time low of $3 in 2002."
“The executive management is very proud or our results. We expect to lose even more money on a systemwide basis this year. We have further cut spending on new rides and attractions. We have slashed budgets to the point where our management at the park level can hardly afford to buy toilet paper for their own offices. Best of all, our guest satisfaction is at an all-time low – even worse when Bally killed people in droves at Six Flags.”
“In closing, I want to say thank you to each and every one of you for your continued support. Wall Street, our Board of Directors hand-picked by me, and our institutional investors have made this all possible. You all have made the three of us filthy rich while we have run a perfectly good company completely into the ground. I am proud to say that I am a graduate of the Harvard School of Law. Lawyers can accomplish anything! Thank you again for making this all possible. On your way out, please be sure to buy some more stock that Mr. Dannhauser is selling at the back door.”
MorganlyVanguardChaseWachoviaFleetSalomon Bank raised their rating on PKS stock immediately after the conference to a “STRONG BUY."
--EJB
Six Flags, Inc. (NYSE: PKS), recently held a press conference providing the financial community with its financial guidance on its likely future performance. ARN&R was, of course, there.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am proud to welcome each and every one one of you to the Six Flags 2003 Financial Guidance Press Conference,” began Chairman and CEO Kieran Burke. “It is with great pleasure that I begin with a review of our past performance.”
“In 2000, in our second full year of operations after Premier Parks acquired Six Flags our net income was a negative $75 million dollars. In 2001, we surpassed those results and lost $85 million dollars. In 2002, our best year yet, we lost an astounding $128 million dollars. The 3 year total of our losses is an impressive $288 million,” Burke concluded to rousing applause.
“Additionally, in 2002, my total compensation was $1.08 million. Our CFO James Dannhauser earned $649,000, and our COO Gary Story earned $727,000. This is a total of $2.025 million in compensation for our top 3 executives in fiscal 2002, and we're hoping to top even that this year. We're looking into some innovative ways to pay our park employees even less; right now, we're considering paying them in potatoes and other inexpensive food products."
“We are all aware that new rides and attractions are an important part of growing our business and eventually making money, to the exclusion of spending money on anything that might actually enhance our guests' visits like cleaning up the human excrement. We spent $334 million in 2000 for new rides and attractions, with $160 million in 2001 and $146 million in 2002 systemwide.”
“Our management team continues to cut operating budgets and raise prices for in-park purchases, admissions, and our favorite, parking fees. This we feel drastically reduces the pleasure of our guests due to closed rides, minimal capacity, severely reduced staffing, and the priceless feeling of being completely robbed. We're especially proud of that."
“Finally, our stock price hit $30 in 2000, $12 in 2001, and the all-time low of $3 in 2002."
“The executive management is very proud or our results. We expect to lose even more money on a systemwide basis this year. We have further cut spending on new rides and attractions. We have slashed budgets to the point where our management at the park level can hardly afford to buy toilet paper for their own offices. Best of all, our guest satisfaction is at an all-time low – even worse when Bally killed people in droves at Six Flags.”
“In closing, I want to say thank you to each and every one of you for your continued support. Wall Street, our Board of Directors hand-picked by me, and our institutional investors have made this all possible. You all have made the three of us filthy rich while we have run a perfectly good company completely into the ground. I am proud to say that I am a graduate of the Harvard School of Law. Lawyers can accomplish anything! Thank you again for making this all possible. On your way out, please be sure to buy some more stock that Mr. Dannhauser is selling at the back door.”
MorganlyVanguardChaseWachoviaFleetSalomon Bank raised their rating on PKS stock immediately after the conference to a “STRONG BUY."
--EJB
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
Editor's Note: Thanks to all of you who have copied us on your e-mails to ACE. Judging from the responses we've seen, they are still trying to justify calling a hotel a concentration camp rather than giving a straightforward apology and acknowledgement that it was a mistake. Please keep it up, and keep copying us on your notes.
And now, back to the show...
And now, back to the show...
Kennywood and Dollywood Reunite for New Album of Duets
(Nashville, TN) After nearly twenty years apart, the famed parks Kennywood and Dollywood have finally found the time to get together at a Nashville studio to record an album of duets that the pair hopes will capture the same magic as their 1983 smash 'Islands in the Stream.'
"We've just been so busy," said a reflective Kennywood. "I've had to deal with the whole Steel Phantom to Phantom's Revenge transition, and don't get me started on that tragedy on the Whip. That really can take a lot out of a park. By the time I got things on my end in order, Dollywood was busy putting the finishing touches on the Thunderhead deal. It just doesn't leave a park with a whole lot of time to record sappy duets."
Dollywood was unavailable for comment, but ARN&R was able to obatin a list of some possible song titles:
Please Baby, Don't Taer Me Down
Lookin' for a Threesome in all the Wrong Forums
You're the Reason God Made Those Vekomas
Where Were You the Day the Whip Stood Still?
I Gave You all the Gravy in Texas, and that Still Wasn't Enough
The duo is still finalizing arrangements for the recording. Presently they are deciding between Avril Lavigne production team The Matrix and P. Diddy for production duties, and 50 Cent is in negotiations for a guest rap on the album's likely first single, "Number One with a Mullet."
--CSB/MMS
(Nashville, TN) After nearly twenty years apart, the famed parks Kennywood and Dollywood have finally found the time to get together at a Nashville studio to record an album of duets that the pair hopes will capture the same magic as their 1983 smash 'Islands in the Stream.'
"We've just been so busy," said a reflective Kennywood. "I've had to deal with the whole Steel Phantom to Phantom's Revenge transition, and don't get me started on that tragedy on the Whip. That really can take a lot out of a park. By the time I got things on my end in order, Dollywood was busy putting the finishing touches on the Thunderhead deal. It just doesn't leave a park with a whole lot of time to record sappy duets."
Dollywood was unavailable for comment, but ARN&R was able to obatin a list of some possible song titles:
Please Baby, Don't Taer Me Down
Lookin' for a Threesome in all the Wrong Forums
You're the Reason God Made Those Vekomas
Where Were You the Day the Whip Stood Still?
I Gave You all the Gravy in Texas, and that Still Wasn't Enough
The duo is still finalizing arrangements for the recording. Presently they are deciding between Avril Lavigne production team The Matrix and P. Diddy for production duties, and 50 Cent is in negotiations for a guest rap on the album's likely first single, "Number One with a Mullet."
--CSB/MMS
Saturday, October 18, 2003
Search the Sarcasm
ARN&R is pleased to announce that after many many months of development and coding, we finally implemented a search function that took about three minutes. Down there on the left on the front page. So you can now find how many times we've mentioned Kentucky (21) or gravy (22). Enjoy!
ARN&R is pleased to announce that after many many months of development and coding, we finally implemented a search function that took about three minutes. Down there on the left on the front page. So you can now find how many times we've mentioned Kentucky (21) or gravy (22). Enjoy!
Thursday, October 16, 2003
ACE News Changes Name to “AYCE News”
When the latest issue of the American Coaster Enthusiasts newsletter, ACE News, hit mailboxes this week, subscribers were not tremendously surprised to note that the publication had a new name: “AYCE News.” After maintaining its previous name for numerous issues over twenty-six volumes, the newsletter undergoes a change that editor Mark Davidson says “more accurately represents the true essence of the American Coaster Enthusiasts.”
“AYCE” is a term typically used at buffet restaurants, and is an abbreviation for “All You Can Eat.” It is most appropriately pronounced with a noticeable redneck accent, say experts on horrible American eating habits.
“The ACE Executive Politburo had a meeting where it was decided, with input from the editorial and writing staff at ACE News, that the mission of the newsletter was simply not being accurately put forth by the title, and a new, bold, and more correct moniker would be required,” said ACE President and Commander of the Order of the British Empire Carole Sanderson. “It took minimal debate to conclude that ACE really has very little to do with roller coasters, preservation, exclusive ride time, or any of the things which some people seem to find important. Actually, ACE is primarily about members gorging themselves on huge hunks of freshly killed game and frolicking and gamboling merrily about in virtual swamps of pork gravy," Sanderson stated, while gnawing on a pork chop on a stick.
"And what better issue to change our name for than the September-October 2003 one? No article ever written has better demonstrated our commitment to these lofty goals of ACE eatery than the one on the Preservation Conference held in Colorado.”
Sanderson gave a detailed presentation on the article with the help of statistical analysis provided by analysts from MIT, the contents of which are summarized below:
- Food and eating are mentioned approximately 18 times. Sanderson generously chose not to add the terms “food for thought” and “perish” (which some took to mean “perishable”) to this list, as they technically are not about actually literally cramming dribbling barbecue and gristle into one's vast gullet.
- Roller Coasters are mentioned in eight paragraphs in the article. This includes all references about preservation, ceremonies, ERT on coasters, and discussions of possible future rides. Meanwhile, food, eating, or eateries are referenced in ten different paragraphs. Sanderson admitted that this comparison is not entirely fair, as most of the articles involving food discuss the slurping down of masses of Crisco and vanilla frosting in intricate, lurid, graphic, and, quite frankly, almost pornographic detail, while the coaster references are nearly clinical in the lack of detail.
- An actual roller coaster finally was mentioned in the eighth paragraph of the article, while food appeared in three paragraphs prior to that point.
- Food references include the following sensationalist accounts, quoted directly from the article. This material is gruesome and explicit, and some viewers may wish to avert their eyes:
And we should say right up front, we’ve been eating quite well this year, thank you.
With a complete dinner just a couple of hours away, registration saw a wide range of handy snacks…
Dinner not only fed us well…
ACE…quickly found refreshments…
With taste buds adequately satisfied, it was on to the coasters…
Breakfast items…woke people to the final day of the conference.
The first surprise of lunch was the God-given freedom to ‘schhhhhhhlock’ as much whipped cream on your strawberry shortcake as you desired.
As if it wasn’t the perfect metaphor, the event officially closed with dessert.
And yep, the Cyclone continued to give one last ERT between scoops of ice cream and decadent toppings.
Although ARN&R is a family publication, and therefore disapproves of all this sexually-charged writing about engulfing entire still-writhing live boars in your yawning crevice of a mouth while stiff-arming other park patrons away from the mashed potatoes with gravy and cheese sauce, we certainly have been won over by the Executive Politburo’s presentation of the reasoning behind the switch. ARN&R therefore offers its full support to ACE News henceforth being known as “AYCE News.”
--JCK
When the latest issue of the American Coaster Enthusiasts newsletter, ACE News, hit mailboxes this week, subscribers were not tremendously surprised to note that the publication had a new name: “AYCE News.” After maintaining its previous name for numerous issues over twenty-six volumes, the newsletter undergoes a change that editor Mark Davidson says “more accurately represents the true essence of the American Coaster Enthusiasts.”
“AYCE” is a term typically used at buffet restaurants, and is an abbreviation for “All You Can Eat.” It is most appropriately pronounced with a noticeable redneck accent, say experts on horrible American eating habits.
“The ACE Executive Politburo had a meeting where it was decided, with input from the editorial and writing staff at ACE News, that the mission of the newsletter was simply not being accurately put forth by the title, and a new, bold, and more correct moniker would be required,” said ACE President and Commander of the Order of the British Empire Carole Sanderson. “It took minimal debate to conclude that ACE really has very little to do with roller coasters, preservation, exclusive ride time, or any of the things which some people seem to find important. Actually, ACE is primarily about members gorging themselves on huge hunks of freshly killed game and frolicking and gamboling merrily about in virtual swamps of pork gravy," Sanderson stated, while gnawing on a pork chop on a stick.
"And what better issue to change our name for than the September-October 2003 one? No article ever written has better demonstrated our commitment to these lofty goals of ACE eatery than the one on the Preservation Conference held in Colorado.”
Sanderson gave a detailed presentation on the article with the help of statistical analysis provided by analysts from MIT, the contents of which are summarized below:
- Food and eating are mentioned approximately 18 times. Sanderson generously chose not to add the terms “food for thought” and “perish” (which some took to mean “perishable”) to this list, as they technically are not about actually literally cramming dribbling barbecue and gristle into one's vast gullet.
- Roller Coasters are mentioned in eight paragraphs in the article. This includes all references about preservation, ceremonies, ERT on coasters, and discussions of possible future rides. Meanwhile, food, eating, or eateries are referenced in ten different paragraphs. Sanderson admitted that this comparison is not entirely fair, as most of the articles involving food discuss the slurping down of masses of Crisco and vanilla frosting in intricate, lurid, graphic, and, quite frankly, almost pornographic detail, while the coaster references are nearly clinical in the lack of detail.
- An actual roller coaster finally was mentioned in the eighth paragraph of the article, while food appeared in three paragraphs prior to that point.
- Food references include the following sensationalist accounts, quoted directly from the article. This material is gruesome and explicit, and some viewers may wish to avert their eyes:
And we should say right up front, we’ve been eating quite well this year, thank you.
With a complete dinner just a couple of hours away, registration saw a wide range of handy snacks…
Dinner not only fed us well…
ACE…quickly found refreshments…
With taste buds adequately satisfied, it was on to the coasters…
Breakfast items…woke people to the final day of the conference.
The first surprise of lunch was the God-given freedom to ‘schhhhhhhlock’ as much whipped cream on your strawberry shortcake as you desired.
As if it wasn’t the perfect metaphor, the event officially closed with dessert.
And yep, the Cyclone continued to give one last ERT between scoops of ice cream and decadent toppings.
Although ARN&R is a family publication, and therefore disapproves of all this sexually-charged writing about engulfing entire still-writhing live boars in your yawning crevice of a mouth while stiff-arming other park patrons away from the mashed potatoes with gravy and cheese sauce, we certainly have been won over by the Executive Politburo’s presentation of the reasoning behind the switch. ARN&R therefore offers its full support to ACE News henceforth being known as “AYCE News.”
--JCK
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)