Saturday, June 05, 2004

Enthusiast Misses Chance to Discuss Amusement Parks at Work

In an exclusive interview this morning, coaster enthusiast Matt Groban reported great feelings of dejection and bereavement over his failure to discuss amusement parks with co-workers despite having an easy opening in a conversation that should have enabled him to do just that.

Groban, who teaches science at Dodd Middle School in Cheshire, Connecticut, blatantly failed to take advantage of his potential coaster conversation this Friday, when fellow teacher Jan Royster mentioned in the teacher's lounge that she had taken her art class to Lake Compounce on a field trip.

"I totally messed it up," said Groban. "I mean, she mentioned an amusement park! She said she had taken her class there, and then even said that some security guard had told her some nonsense like there would be an 85 million dollar expansion to double the size of the park next year. She just spread the conversation wide open for me to bust in there and talk about who owned what land and how it was zoned in Bristol, or discuss the type of grease used on Boulderdash, or maybe describe the air compression technology that they use on the new S&S ride, or even talk about how their website was telling people to 'go down' for quite some time. Unfortunately, I couldn't butt in quick enough, and those dumbasses just moved on to talking about the plumbing problems the school's been having."

Groban noted that "at one point, I would have gotten in there and made the rest of lunch completely about my knowledge of coasters. But I waited a split second too long, and then my chance was wasted. I think I'm losing my touch."

Groban noted that, as recently as a month ago, he had been more effective at making use of coaster-related teacher's lounge chats to tell people how much he knows about amusement parks. "It was right after the Superman accident," he said. "People were talking about how coasters were dangerous, but then I managed to leap in and tell them all about what they needed to know. And I was especially helpful in reassuring and comforting them in their time of need, since I'd done my research and read "What to Say to Friends About the Superman Accident."

"I only hope I can get back to that level," he said, gazing wistfully into the sunset. "Because if I don't, some young buck is going to be the one dominating discussions about roller coasters at Dodd before I know it."


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