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Alton Towers Not Fooling Anyone

According to American theme parks, Alton Towers is not fooling anyone. "Sure, it's got its crazy British spellings and its '.co.uk' domain ending and its accent, but it's not really British. It's just pretending it's British to pick up chicks," said Paramount Parks.

"That is so true," concurred Six Flags Theme Parks. "One time, I was at a bar with Alton Towers, and after a few drinks, it was totally obvious that it was from North Carolina. And what's with that hair? What, does it think it's Ian Astbury [of British band the Cult]?"

Weighing in last and with a slight slur, Cedar Fair added, "Oh, that hair is hilarious! And those claims about height restrictions, about being so 'civilised' -- come on. You just know that park really would love to kick back with a Bud Light and a huge cloned B&M floorless coaster, but it restrains itself to get all the alt-rock girls."

Alton Towers responded angrily. "Colour me shocked. I am recognisably British. Bloody idiots."