Monday, July 21, 2003

It's Official: Some People Like Robb Alvey and Elissa White, Some Don't

Thanks to all of the incredibly gifted and brilliant minds over at rec.roller-coaster, the roller coaster enthusiast world will no longer have to wonder about one of the most intriguing mysteries of all time. For it has been solved.

After months and months of debate and thread after hate-spewing thread of useless, inane chatter and childish name calling, it can now safely and assuredly be said that some people like Robb Alvey and Elissa White and some people just don't.

Experts poured over the evidence for month after agonizing month looking for the answer to this puzzling perplexity. They painstakingly analyzed post after post, thread after thread, message after message looking for clues to guide them along in their quest for this supreme knowledge. They interviewed hundreds of witnesses dozens of times each. They watched hour after hour of roller coaster POV video footage and studied countless incidents of wild and wacky antics between Robb, Elissa and their 'so-called' fiends. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the experts reached a startling consensus on this ever so important issue. Some people like Robb Alvey and Elissa White and some people just don't.

Expert on everything and frequent rec.roller-coaster poster, Marvin Jacobson, had this to say about the oh-so-surprising recent revelation:

"I already knew that. It's really just a matter of simple mathematics. Flip a coin 100 times and, on average, it'll land on heads 50 times and on tails 50 times unless you have some super mind control power that allows you to control how the coin will land, like I have. But, if you aren't gifted with mind control like me, then half the time you'll get one result and the other half you'll get another result. Although, I guess there is also a slim possibility that the coin could land sideways on its edge. Yeah, I guess that could happen too. Or, possibly, you might flip the coin up so high that it would leave the gravitational pull of the Earth and just keep flipping around forever never landing on heads or tails. I guess that could also happen. But, anyway, what were we talking about?"

Experts around the world are quite relieved that this dilemma has finally been resolved. Now, they can move on and concentrate on solving some more of the important mysteries of life like which is the best digital camera, does Six Flags America management sit around all day watching BET, and is Justin gay, or is he just a really sexy bitch?