Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors.

Woman Can't Decide When Boyfriend Is Sexiest

Area woman Tory Abramowicz, 32, is in terrible quandary this week. Her problem? It's growing increasingly difficult for her to decide when her boyfriend is at his sexiest.

"He's always so awesome," she gushed to ARN&R. "But I just can't decide lately what makes him the hottest. Is it when he talks to me about how the ride experience might have differed on Hades if he'd ridden it at the convention with the tunnel lights on? Or maybe when he shows me those incomprehensible articles at ARN&R that he thinks are funny? Or when he notices slightly more braking than usual on something called the 'Montu midcourse brake' and shares that with me? Or even maybe it's when he can name some company that handled the trackwork on some coaster in New York without looking ashamed that he didn't have to look it up. Damn, he's a stud."

"Then again," she continued, "he might be at his sexiest when he does his fantasy football draft. I love it when he sits intensely at the computer for five hours and laughs out loud and calls his friends to make fun of allegedly stupid picks by other 'owners.' I can't wait til the actual season starts, so I can see him lounging on the couch all day drinking beer, watching football, and checking his so-called team's stats."

"Or," she added, after a moment's thought, "there's always the time he took me into New York to see the premiere of a Star Wars film. And then it's great when he quotes from Mystery Science Theater. And let's not forget the time he told me how Sauron was originally just the chief lieutenant of Morgoth before he became the main bad guy. He was so sexy every one of those times, I can't decide when he was the sexiest!"

"All I know is, I'm the luckiest girl on Earth," she concluded.

--JCK