Monday, December 26, 2005

Toddler Invokes Six-Day Rule

Feathers were ruffled today as a three-year-old Damon Carter invoked the well-known but controversial "Six-Day Rule" during a post-Christmas family visit to Disney World's Magic Kingdom in Orlando.

The incident occurred at approximately 4:00 PM, as the boy, his older sister Jean, and his parents passed behind the Pinocchio Village Haus restaurant on their way to the ever-insufferable Small World attraction. While his parents were distracted by the sight of a vicious nearby seagull pecking the eyes out of a hapless customer, Damon spotted a scrap of food in a corner behind a dumpster, grabbed it, and ate it. Witnesses say the child cried out "Six Days!" before eating the dicarded food scrap. The same witnesses were unable to ascertain whether the scrap was formerly a hot dog, hamburger, turkey-bacon wrap, or a solidified seagull turd.

Other youngsters in the vicinity derided Carter's actions. "It's one thing to invoke the five-second rule," said surprisingly eloquent Thad Goody, 4, who witnessed Carter's actions. "Myself, I have specifically ordered my butler Chauncy to pick up and return my dropped filet, caviar, and foie gras so I can eat it. However, I only do so within the accepted five-second period, and call out that I am doing so; otherwise, the dropped food items would become gross and spoiled, perhaps in as soon as six seconds. So six days is an obscenely long period."

Carter rebuffed Goody's comments, saying that the seagull turd was "nummers." Later in the day, he engaged in even more daring behaviour when he announced "Fifteen Days!" shortly before eating what might or might not have been a moldy french fry he found on the sidewalk near the Jungle Cruise.