Sunday, October 05, 2003

Limbaugh Fired as ACE Coaster Analyst

Rabid fascist beached whale Rush Limbaugh was fired tonight by the American Coaster Enthusiasts following derogatory comments he made during the group's weekly coaster special. This news comes less than a week after the corpulent racist jackoff resigned from ESPN following his insensitive and completely repulsive comments about Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb.

"We really thought Rush would watch himself after his incident with ESPN," said ACE Immediate Past Dictator for Life Bill Linkenheimer III. "Not that I'm all that upset about it. When I was president, having that bulbous Hutt around meant that our already-staggering buffet bills were almost double their highest total before we signed him on."

Linkenheimer added that "he really knows absolutely nothing about roller coasters, now that I think about it. Not that he knew crap about football, either. Or anything else, for that matter. Huh. Too bad he was getting all that money...I guess he was just a fatass waste of decent oxygen all along."

The new round of offensive remarks happened on air during the Saturday ACE program Let's Work Those Lats. Limbaugh, a prize-winning jackass buffoon, claimed, with no provocation, "I don't understand why the liberal media is always trying to root for black roller coasters just because they're black. Take that Batman ride at Six Flags St. Louis, for example. If it wasn't black, none of these stupid liberal feminists would be putting it in their top lists. I bet if it were white, no one would even notice it's there. Then compare that to a fine white Aryan coaster like Screamin' Eagle, which gets ignored just because it's white. That's real discrimination, not that fake Brown vs. Board of Education stuff people whined so much about in the fifties."

The pompous steaming mound of human excrement then smoothed his bright purple Grand Dragon uniform down before continuing, "it's really such a trial being a bloated, smug, rich white male prick asswipe these days, I tell you. I have to watch every minute to be sure I'm not being oppressed."