Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Paul Hogan Relieved of Duty at Boomerang Bay

Officials at Paramount’s Great America in Santa Clara, California announced today that Paul Hogan has been asked to leave the park. In addition the Australian theming from the waterpark was removed.

Public Relations Director Mark Gazziele was closed-mouthed about the issue, but did issue a press release to ARN&R. It read:

“We at Paramount’s Great America are sorry to let Mr. Paul Hogan go. While we appreciated his efforts we felt he did not quiet understand the concepts of 'sobriety' and 'clothing' well enough to keep him on staff. In addition, our repeated requests for him to stop playing Midnight Oil and Men at Work in the waterpark were ignored. We wish Mr. Hogan the best of luck in his future endeavors.”

As of this morning the park still had Mr. Hogan on its website but said that his image will be gone shortly and all of his feces will be dredged from the kiddie pool.

When reached this morning, Mr. Hogan said nothing as he was passed out in a pile of his own sick.

ARN&R has learned that the drunken Australian often went around the waterpark holding his man unit in front of women saying, “Now this is a knife.” Apparently most of the guests did not take kindly to a throbbing Hogan while trying to play in the wave pool.

An announcement of the new theme is expected soon. Currently Thrillride.com’s “Wild Rumors” section is abuzz with rumors that the waterpark will be themed to “Police Academy 5 - Assignment Miami Beach." Enthusiasts are already calling it another creative gem for Paramount Parks.