Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Six Flags St. Louis Rethemed to Violent Crime

Six Flags (SIX) announced today that it will institute park enhancements for the 2007 season that will make it "much more appealing to local guests."

"The family is always the focus of our new marketing initiatives," explained Mark Shapiro, Six Flags President and CEO. "But in a community where even comic-book supervillians would roll up their windows, lock their doors and run red lights in sheer terror, a few adjustments were necessary."

Six-Guns Blazin' over St. Louis will be the first park to completely eliminate queue rails from their attractions. "Really, what's the point? If you don't have a Q-Bot, at least 27 of your homies or a lil' somethin' somethin' in your hip pocket, why are you here? Frankly, in this town, HOW did you get here?"

While the Vekoma-designed Ninja and Gerstlauer-equipped Boss coasters have always delivered gang initiation-quality beatings, family offerings will be increased as well. "Kids will love lying in the chalk outlines of their favorite DC Cartoon heroes," quipped Shapiro. "And the new 'What's Up BEEEEE-YOTCH?' revue? With Yosemite Sam, Elmer Fudd and other classically packin' Warner Brother characters delivering street justice, drive-by style? We just can't miss."

The chains will be hangin' low on the coasters beginning May 2007. Look for 'hop the fence' discount coupons on yo' favorite 40s this Spring.