Tuesday, June 10, 2003

Members Of Coaster Zombies Coaster Club Mistaken For Actual Zombies

Cedar Point, Sandusky, Ohio

On Saturday, June 7, 2003, five members of the Coaster Zombies coaster enthusiast club were standing in line for Top Thrill Dragster, the new 420-foot tall "strata-coaster" at Cedar Point. By mid-afternoon, they had been standing in line for about seven hours and had barely moved for six of those seven hours.

When Cedar Point employee, Josh Winkelman, spotted them in line, he immediately made an emergency call to park security, believing them to be actual flesh-eating zombies. "I was making my way through the Top Thrill Dragster line offering the usual free massages and margaritas to park guests when I spotted them," said Winkelman. "They were so pale, and they all had such blank empty looks on their faces. Their eyes were rolled back up into their heads just like in that Michael Jackson music video. I knew at once that they must be the living dead. I called security right away before they had the chance to feast on anyone's brains. They all looked very hungry."

Park security quickly surrounded the suspected zombies and ordered them to put their hands behind their heads and to get down on the ground. When they did not immediately respond, park security proceeded to attack them with mace and Taser guns. The club members instantly began screaming, falling to the ground and writhing in agony. Some jiggling occurred as well.

Club leader, Sam Marks, finally managed to convince security guards that he was indeed a living breathing human being and not a zombie by flashing them his official Coaster Zombies coaster club membership card. "We would never allow an actual zombie to join the club," Sam pleaded. "Our club's constitution specifically prohibits bona fide zombies from joining. I must be a genuine living human being or I wouldn't have this membership card, now would I?"

That logic must have been enough to convince park security that Sam and his group were indeed still alive and kicking and had no intentions of munching on anyone's medulla oblongata, because they promptly stopped their assault on the suspected specters.

Park officials were obviously very embarrassed by this mix-up and quickly apologized to Sam and his Coaster Zombie friends. To make up for the misunderstanding, Cedar Point offered Sam and his coaster loving companions free "I (barely) survived the Top Thrill Dragster Queue" t-shirts and unlimited Top Thrill Dragster bathroom passes for life.